Bedlam

How does it feel to not feel?

Could such a feeling really be real?

You see life around you -

You know it hasn’t stopped

But do you see this disease that you’ve caught? You want it to stop, you want it to end

But then again, you’re at your wits end with pretend Wake up you idiot, my soul screams aloud

For of this person, one could never be proud But, did it matter before?

Back when you cared to your core?

No no, don’t do this – not this rabbit hole This mental state here is what takes a big toll This place that you’re living, stuck in between -

I know now – to those who struggle, I could never be mean How do you all do it? Is it all just a game?

There’s no way you all aren’t secretly insane

Or maybe it’s because, this is all that you know

If I could turn this desire off, then maybe life would just flow

I try to ignore it, but there’s always something missing Why does every day have to be so gut wrenching?

The reason I’m here, the reason I’ve stayed

Is not due to just some bad choices I’ve made

It’s about deep thoughts, emotions, and questions

The kind coupled with deep purpose -

Such as, why do all of those animals behave so well in the circus? Extremely unnatural, so uncomfortable

Yet, we find this easily supportable

Take a brief moment, just stop here and think - Between animals and humans, their behavior in sync

I can hear it now – like an animal I am not!

You’ll claim that you’re free – and give it no more thought But those animals well trained, they know only this path

Abide by the rules, or face an unfortunate wrath

Replace circus with society, and the animal with you

The human race has a set of rules now, too

Do good in school, so you can get into college

We’re taught that this is the only honorable knowledge

Go and get that good job, work your life away, don’t stop

Keep pushing until you reach the top

You did it, you’re here -

As this life passed you by in the rear-view mirror

Did you make enough money? Attend enough meetings?

Did you enjoy coming home to your family with that same exhausted greeting? Some choose to own a business, some let a business own them Whichever path you choose, to this wheel we’re condemned

Some might not mind, or even seem to notice

But for me, it’s a life on which I never could focus

I subconsciously step back, back out of the box

And start to search for the key that keeps my soul tightly locked

Now I know, since I’ve tried and I’ve tried

That this mission is one that will not just subside

I must give in, trust and just follow

Even for me, this is a very hard pill to swallow

For the answer – I've asked, I’ve begged and I’ve screamed

I’ve even tried to find it in dreams

If I had to describe it, I’d say it’s like Scrabble

The letters are right here, but the words have yet to unravel What the hell is it that I’m put here to do?

Give me more guidance than these sporadic, vague clues

To everyone I seem crazy; I used to care about status, now I don’t - So I’ve completed step one – I let go of the ego I once owned

Is the purpose of this to find a career I enjoy?

Or is it deeper than that - will the entire illusion be destroyed? I’ve experienced it once, and oh how I wish it had stayed

But I was put back to sleep, a little more each day

I still have the memory of awakening, vivid and bright

I still remember what it taught me about the words “wrong” and “right” There is no such thing, neither are real

It’s about the experience, it’s what you’re put here to feel

Some will search for a lifetime just to feel a moment of such bliss -

But the second you wake up, you suddenly remember -

It Just Is.