Ask Why. Show How. Tell Do.

It started with a single conversation—one that left me both humbled and inspired. I was giving instructions to a junior colleague at work, explaining how to handle a client presentation. I spoke quickly, gave her a checklist, and moved on. Hours later, she approached me with a hesitant look and said:

“I followed what you said… but I didn’t really understand why we were doing it this way.”

That moment hit me like a brick. For years, I had been living in a world of “Do this,” “Finish that,” and “Just follow along.” I was instructing people like I was reading a recipe—no context, no reasoning, just commands. But I wasn’t creating understanding. I was creating dependency.

That day, I stumbled into a mindset that would transform everything:

Ask Why. Show How. Tell Do.

This isn’t a productivity hack. It’s a mindset. A way of living and leading with clarity, empathy, and impact. And here’s how I built my life around it.

Part 1: Ask Why – The Compass of Clarity

Let’s begin with the hardest—but most important—step: Asking Why.

Most of us go through life executing routines without ever stopping to question them. We follow family traditions, workplace policies, societal norms—often without knowing their origin or value. For years, I went to college because I was “supposed to,” worked a 9-to-5 because it was “secure,” and spent weekends buying things I didn’t need because it was “fun.”

But I wasn’t fulfilled. I was drifting.

Then I read a quote by Simon Sinek:

“People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it.”

I realized I didn’t even know my why.

So I began asking why in every area of life.

Why am I in this career?

Why do I avoid difficult conversations?

Why do I care about being seen as “successful”?

This wasn’t self-indulgent navel-gazing. It was excavation. I was peeling back the layers of routine and revealing the raw core of my motivations. And when I didn’t like the answers, I changed them.

I left a well-paying job that looked good on paper but felt meaningless. I stopped saying yes to social outings that drained me. I began saying no—not with guilt, but with purpose.

When you start with “why,” you stop living on autopilot. You begin navigating with intention.

Part 2: Show How – The Language of Leadership

Asking “why” gives you clarity. But clarity without communication? That’s isolation.

That’s why the second step—Show How—matters so much.

After I redefined my why, I naturally became more thoughtful in how I shared knowledge. Instead of just giving directions or barking advice, I shifted into demonstration.

Whether I was training someone at work, mentoring a friend, or guiding my younger sibling through a decision, I started modeling the process—not just the outcome.

I didn’t just tell my colleague to “lead with empathy”—I walked her through real examples.

I didn’t just say “save money”—I opened up my budgeting spreadsheet.

I didn’t just advise “communicate better”—I showed how I write difficult emails with both honesty and kindness.

The result?

People didn’t just understand me. They learned from me. They trusted me. Because showing how builds confidence and connection.

This step also helped me realize how often people are afraid to act—not because they lack the will, but because they lack a model.

When you show someone how, you’re giving them more than instructions. You’re giving them permission to try.

Part 3: Tell Do – The Art of Empowerment

The final piece—Tell Do—is about guidance without micromanagement.

After asking “why” and showing “how,” the final step is simple: encourage action. That means giving people the space to try, fail, and grow.

I learned this best as a mentor.

One day, a young intern asked me how to pitch an idea in a meeting. After walking her through the thought process and sharing how I would do it, she nervously said, “Can you do it with me?”

I smiled. “No. You’ve got this. Tell me what you’re going to do. Then do it.”

She froze. I reassured her.

“You already know why it matters. You’ve seen how it’s done. Now you need to own it.”

That was the moment I truly understood the power of Tell Do. It’s not abandonment. It’s empowerment.

Too often, we withhold responsibility in the name of protection. But protection becomes limitation if it denies people the right to act.

When we say “Tell me what you’re going to do”—and then let them do it—we’re giving them agency. And in doing so, we’re building leaders, not followers.

Where It Took Me

This simple framework—Ask Why. Show How. Tell Do.—became my North Star.

At work, I stopped being the boss who issued tasks. I became the guide who created clarity, context, and collaboration. Productivity skyrocketed. Turnover dropped.

At home, I stopped lecturing my younger brother about “making smart choices.” I started asking what mattered to him, sharing my failures, and then letting him lead. He opened up more in six months than he had in six years.

In friendships, I stopped offering unsolicited advice. I listened, asked deep questions, shared my experiences, and left space. That space invited connection.

And for myself? I applied it inward.

I asked myself why I feared rejection. I journaled it. I realized I had never learned to validate myself.

So I began showing myself how to be kinder. I created a small daily ritual of self-acknowledgment. And then I acted on it. I changed my habits. I built routines that supported self-respect.

I told myself what I was going to do. And I did it.

The Takeaway

This framework is simple. But don’t confuse “simple” with “small.”

Ask Why – and gain clarity.

Show How – and build trust.

Tell Do – and create leaders.

You can apply this to anything:

Teaching your kids.

Leading a team.

Navigating a relationship.

Rebuilding your own life.

Most people jump straight to “do this” without first offering a why. They issue orders instead of guidance. They control outcomes instead of fostering growth.

But the world doesn’t need more control. It needs more clarity, more empathy, and more empowerment.

If you live by Ask Why. Show How. Tell Do.—you’ll do more than just succeed.

You’ll lead.

You’ll teach.

You’ll change lives.

Starting with your own.