Adult Autism.

For people who are different and don't understand the world, life can be challenging and overwhelming. They may struggle to connect with others, understand social cues, and communicate effectively. This can result in feelings of isolation and anxiety. They may also have difficulty processing sensory information, which can make certain environments or situations overwhelming or uncomfortable.

In many cases, people who are different may be viewed as outsiders or misfits by society, which can lead to feelings of alienation and even discrimination. This can be especially difficult for children and teenagers, who may face bullying or social exclusion from their peers. People who don't understand the world may also struggle to find their place in society and may feel like they don't fit in with the norms and expectations of their community. This can lead to a sense of purposelessness and a lack of direction in life.

However, it's important to recognize that being different can also be a strength. People who don't fit into society's norms often have unique perspectives and talents that can contribute positively to the world. With the right support and understanding, individuals who are different can learn to navigate the challenges they face and find their place in society. It's important to foster a culture of acceptance and inclusion so that everyone can feel valued and supported, regardless of their differences.

People on the autism spectrum often struggle with social interactions, communication, and understanding social cues, which can make it difficult to connect with others. This can lead to feelings of anxiety and disconnection, especially during times of stress like the COVID pandemic. For many adults who are not diagnosed until later in life, the diagnosis can bring a sense of relief and understanding that they have not had before. A fixation on a specific topic, like trees, a restaurant menu, or the capital cities of the world, is a common trait among people on the spectrum, and it can be a source of comfort and stability in a world that may feel overwhelming. However, despite this fixation, people on the spectrum may still feel isolated and struggle to find their place in society. The diagnosis can bring a sense of peace and understanding, but it can also be overwhelming and require a period of adjustment as the individual learns to understand themselves and their place in the world.

As a normal thirty-something male-identifying person in the UK, it can be challenging to feel like something is wrong without knowing exactly what it is. For many, there may be a nagging feeling that they don't quite fit in or that something about their experiences is different from others. This can lead to a sense of confusion and isolation, as it's difficult to articulate what's wrong or to find others who understand.

In many cases, individuals in this situation may try to compensate for their feelings of difference by conforming to societal norms and expectations. They may try to fit in and be like everyone else, even though it feels uncomfortable or inauthentic. This can be exhausting and take a toll on mental health, leading to anxiety, depression, and a sense of disconnection from oneself and others.

After discussing my concerns with my partner, I decided to seek out a diagnosis. I had always felt different from my peers, and my fixation on chess was just one example of my unique interests and behaviours. I found myself becoming obsessed with the game, spending hours researching and playing it online. This obsession led me to question whether there was something more going on beneath the surface.

For me, the diagnosis process was surprisingly easy. One meeting with my lovely GP who talked me through a questionnaire (whilst I trembled like a scared puppy) and then a meeting with The Owl Centre who specialise in the handling of cases of suspected autism, one much more in depth questionnaire which I had help with from my parents, and finally the assessment itself. I got the call two weeks later and that was that. Autistic (and suspected ADHD with a letter of recommendation for referral). Everyone I spoke to agree with my diagnosis, and it was a relief to finally have a concrete explanation for my differences. While I had expected the process to be more difficult, I now understand that this is not always the case. Some people are lucky enough to find their diagnosis quickly and easily, while others may spend years searching for answers.

I've now fallen balls-deep into autism as a topic. I've discovered Ali G's cousin; all cats have Asperger's and that people with autism experience obvious Jungian synchronicities; much more obvious ones than neurotypical people do.

The deeper meaning behind autism is something that I have been contemplating since my diagnosis. To me, it means that there is a unique way of experiencing the world that is not always understood by those who are not on the spectrum. The connection between autism and consciousness is a complex and nuanced area of research. While there is no consensus on the relationship between the two, some researchers suggest that the unique sensory experiences and cognitive processing patterns of people on the autism spectrum may provide insight into the nature of consciousness itself.

One theory is that people on the autism spectrum experience a heightened level of consciousness due to their increased sensitivity to sensory stimuli. For example, individuals with autism may be more aware of their surroundings and experience sensory information more vividly than neurotypical individuals. This heightened sensitivity may result in a different type of conscious experience that differs from the norm.

Additionally, some research suggests that people on the autism spectrum may have a unique pattern of cognitive processing that influences their consciousness. This theory suggests that individuals with autism have a more "local" processing style, meaning they tend to focus on individual details rather than the bigger picture. This may result in a more "fragmented" conscious experience, where the individual is aware of individual details but may struggle to put them together into a cohesive whole.

However, it's important to note that the relationship between autism and consciousness is still an area of ongoing research, and there is no clear consensus on the nature of this relationship. While some research suggests that individuals on the autism spectrum may have a unique pattern of cognitive processing or heightened sensory experiences that influence their conscious experience, more research is needed to fully understand the nature of this relationship. While there are certainly challenges associated with autism, there is also a beauty in the way that individuals on the spectrum think and feel. It is a reminder that there is no one right way to be human.

Adjusting to my diagnosis has been a process, and my partner has been an invaluable source of support. Together, we have worked to find ways to manage my anxiety and help me feel more connected to the world around me. From small things like taking walks together to bigger changes like developing new hobbies, my partner has been my rock throughout this entire process.

Looking to the future, I'm not sure what comes next. I don't know what I can do with my formal diagnosis, or how it will change my life. But what I do know is that I have a newfound sense of understanding and acceptance for who I am. I no longer feel like an outsider, and I am proud to be on the spectrum.

In the end, being diagnosed with autism as an adult has been a journey of self-discovery. While there have been challenges along the way, I wouldn't change a thing. My diagnosis has allowed me to embrace my differences and appreciate the unique perspective that comes with being on the spectrum. And for that, I am grateful.