A Black Entrepreneur in 2021 with Performance Anxiety

This is me, 90% of the time. The other 10% is often filled with performance anxiety and unrealistic standards of perfection.

Up until recently, I'd compartmentalize my work efforts into rewards. E.g. "If I complete 'X' by 'X' time, I'll reward myself with '______' guilt-free.

Following a work sprint, although the personal rewards always felt earned, they felt equally conditional. As if to relax, breathe, and make time for myself - work was 'required'.

As of late, I'm beginning to find this conditional set-up "work-to-relax" tarnishes the joy of creative passion.

A side effect: Performance anxiety, a result of unrealistic internal standards I place on myself from the requirements of meeting external expectations, perceptions, or leadership responsibilities.

There's no shying away from deadlines, but I'd like to pull myself more toward creating (i.e. working) simply for the sake of creating. Establishing lifelines teams can meet with their mental health in tack, and simply collaborating for the joy of connecting with other brilliant minds.

I saw a construction site sign the other day while driving which read: "Development without Displacement". Its presence made me think of the often skewed goals POC entrepreneurs strive for, historically developed by unreflective leadership. "Get bought out. Monopolize. Dominate."

But what does it mean as a POC entrepreneur, if you're bought out by a non-POC buyer? How does it leverage our community? And what are the long-term effects of meeting these unreflective societal standards? As POC creators, we have so much value, so much sacred energy and invention power that's often been stolen, repackaged, and leveraged for the benefit of the majority.

Acknowledgment of the contributions POC creators, inventors, and entrepreneurs have provided our country is gaining more traction it's their recognition--but in the words of Dr. King: "Nothing would be more tragic than to stop at this point." 👑

One weekend, I legit spent last Saturday night retirement account planning. 💵 Just felt compelled to be MORE proactive. I'm realizing retirement planning is more dependent on self-initiative, as my employer.

I spent close to an hour on a 24/7 line with an investment bank...sent a few late weekend emails to my accountant asking about retirement account options I hadn't considered.

Things I've learned to love as an entrepreneur: the power of a good budget, having a strong financial planner by your side, and prioritizing long-term goals over short-term gains. 🏜️

I often dance and think about all the online shopping carts I've started, filled + abandoned this year 🏷️🛍️ Why does everything look so good? 😆 The bigger question is, "Do I need this shiny item...right now?"

Of course, I want to look and feel good--but that future house 🏡 next business investment or family savings goal all take discipline, prioritizing immediate needs, and patience.

We live in an era of human assumptions, often being persuaded by the false-hoods of what others believe we are in-capable of based on stereotypical beliefs, self-serving morals, or limited interactions with another person, culture, or group.

Why limit our potential to the assumptions of others?

As I said, This is me, 90% of the time. The other 10% is often filled with performance anxiety and unrealistic standards of perfection.

There's no shying away from deadlines, but I'd like to pull myself more toward creating (i.e. working) simply for the sake of creating. Establishing lifelines teams can meet with their mental health in tack, and simply collaborating for the joy of connecting with other brilliant minds.

2021 Black history month feels 'different'. Maybe it's the respect 2020 started putting on our experience, or the vibrant pride standing LOUDLY in our truths gave and has always given 'US'.

Regardless of the paths and standards society says black folk 'should' be on...We're creating our own.

This year I feel compelled to honor black women writers. The Michaela Coel's and Toni Morrison's of our world, shedding light on the inner emotions and all-encompassing expressions of black women.

The Issa Rae's and Shonda Rhimes' of our lifetime. Writing us into layered worlds filled with friendship, villains, unexplainable plot twists, and resolutions.

They see us.

...and through their masterfully crafted perspectives, we see ourselves.

Thank you ❤️

#OpenlyBlack