7 Harsh Truths to Improve Your Life.

In my life, I have had to swallow some harsh truths. The following is a work in progress, but I can honestly say the more of this list I accept, the better my life has become.

1. Stop trying to impress people.

A book that changed my way of thinking is The Millionaire Next Door. The key lesson from the book is that most rich people are not posers who drive around in Ferrari’s and take pictures of themselves on Instagram with big wads of cash.

Many people who live next door to Millionaires have no idea about their neighbours financial status.

“Many people who live in expensive homes and drive luxury cars do not actually have much wealth. Then, we discovered something even odder: Many people who have a great deal of wealth do not even live in upscale neighborhoods.”

― Thomas J. Stanley, The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America’s Wealthy

Millionaires tend to live frugal lives comparative to their wealth and use their money to buy freedom. They let their actions do the talking and are not interested in keeping up with their neighbours. By releasing themselves from the burden of trying to impress others, they can focus on what matters, which is asset accumulation and a life of financial freedom.

2. Accept everyone is going to die someday.

A central tenet of the ancient philosophy of Stoicism is to accept things that you have no control over to focus solely on things you can influence.

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own . . .”

— Epictetus, Discourses, 2.5.4–5

Many of us worry incessantly about death. If we are not worrying about our own, we are worrying about the death of our loved ones. We torment ourselves for hours on end, imagining all the gruesome ways we could die and what might, or might not, happen afterwards.

These ruminations are all a massive waste of time. The one thing you can be sure about in life is that we will all die. By accepting this, we gain immense mental freedom. We can let the endless rumination about death go and focus on things we can control — such as making the most of every day while alive.

3. Romantic love is great, but it is not everything.

“It’s love that makes the world go round.”

― W.S. Gilbert

W.S Gilbert has a point, but it is essential not to overlook a key feature. He did not specify “romantic” love.

The key to success in all areas of life is self-love. You have to find a way to love yourself, or it is impossible to love anyone else. Many people think they need to find romantic love first. Maybe you think being validated by others will solve your problems if only someone validates you as worthy.

I have found that your internal reality is often reflected externally. So if you are desperate for love, you will encounter people that will take advantage of that desperation.

So get your “inner house” in order and be content with being alone before you worry about finding love.

4. Accept things will not go your way.

Often in your life, things will not go as you had expected or hoped. As I write this, I am suffering from Covid. I cannot get from one room to another without gasping for breath. I did not expect this because it’s one of those things I always thought happens to “other people”.

Nevertheless, unlike many people, I am not in hospital or worse. I have had to stop working out completely, but such things are comparatively minor inconveniences in life.

Accept that your best-laid plans can change very fast. Life is very unpredictable, which is scary and exciting in equal measure.

5. Not everyone will like you.

The more successful you become, the more people will know about you. The more people that know about you some will be jealous. These jealous people will do their best to sabotage your success and drag you back down.

It is essential to recognise toxic people in your life and learn how to distance yourself from them. If toxic people surround you, you will have no space for those who genuinely want the best for you.

As long as you are compassionate towards others, it is OK to be disliked by some people. It may be a sign you are growing as a person. If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.

6. Learn to forgive yourself and others.

Many people misunderstand the nature of forgiveness. It does not mean forgetting what someone has done to you.

“Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.”

From this, we can see that forgiveness enables you to offload all the hate and resentment you feel towards another person. Such forgiveness is vital for YOUR life and YOUR peace of mind. You are not being disloyal or weak. Forgiveness takes real courage.

The first step on the road to forgiveness, much like love and everything else we have discussed, is to forgive yourself. Remind yourself that you have always done the best you could with the knowledge and tools you had at the time.

When you knew better, you did better.

7. No person, place or thing is perfect.

You are not perfect, so you do not need to beat yourself up over every little mistake or perceived flaw.

Similarly, no one else is perfect, so perhaps we can cut them some slack when they also make mistakes.

Suffering setbacks and failures in life are required to be successful. Most of Isaac Newton’s contributions to Natural Philosophy were failures, but each knock brought him one step closer to success.

Edison once said:

“I have not failed 10,000 times — I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.”

Don’t wait for perfection or the right time to start something new. The right time is always now. If you fail, you are not an idiot, coward or loser. You are brave for making an attempt.

The key to life is to try, fail, get back up, try harder and repeat. You never lose until you quit.