Yesterday, She Blooms!

⚠️ Content warning: This story contains transphobia, emotional abuse, conflict in a romantic relationship, and themes of low self-esteem and frustration with gender dysphoria.

“Excuse me! This is the ladies.” The voice behind Astrid was sharp, almost triumphant. She straightened from scrubbing the toilet, rag and spray in hand.

“I’m the cleaner,” Astrid said flatly. “The sign says male or female operatives can enter at any time.” She swallowed the urge to add that she was a trans woman — it would only make things worse. Cleaning toilets in a shopping centre wasn’t her dream job, but it paid the bills.

“Well, I’d rather you not be in here.” The woman folded her arms.

“I’m almost finished. Just need to change this toilet roll, then I’ll be out.” Astrid kept her tone even. She’d lost count of how many times she’d had this same confrontation today. Funny how people complained about her presence, but would be the first to whine if the toilets weren’t spotless.

She swapped the roll, ticked the checklist, and left without another word. Sweep, mop, repeat. That was her life these days: cleaning up other people’s messes, waiting for something better. At least she had a week off after this shift, a small pause in the endless cycle.

Once her shift was over, Astrid signed out with her brother Mustang, and together they headed down to the basement staff room. Working with him was the one good thing about the job as he always had her back, especially when someone tried to be nasty about her being trans.

“Got much planned for your week off?” Mustang asked as they both slotted their radios onto charge.

“Well, I’m meant to be meeting Tony tomorrow.” Astrid smiled. “We’re going shopping, then out for a meal. It’s our six-month anniversary.”

“Six months already?” Mustang raised his eyebrows. “Wow. I can’t believe I still haven’t met him.”

“Yeah… he’s a little shy,” Astrid said with a small sigh. “I haven’t even met his family yet.” She slung her bag over her shoulder, and they made their way to the bus stop together. Since they lived in the same area, they always ended up on the same bus home after work.

On the bus, they did what they always did: ranted about work, swapped thoughts on the shows they’d been binging, and hunted digital creatures on Pokémon Go. The half-hour ride passed quickly in their familiar rhythm.

When Astrid’s stop came, she hugged Mustang goodbye and stepped off into the cool evening air. A short walk later, she was standing in a lift in her tower block to the fifth floor where her little flat waited. It wasn’t much, but it was hers.

As soon as Astrid stepped inside, she headed straight for her bedroom. She tugged her braid loose, pink hair spilling around her shoulders before she scraped it back into a sleek ponytail. Off came the uniform, traded for her favourite long nightgown, pink, of course, soft against her skin. The white walls and bold purple feature wall had seen her swap bedspreads a hundred times, but she always came back to the bright pink set with princess scrawled across it. Silly, maybe, but it made her smile. The matching curtains finished the effect. It was her space, her little castle, and tonight it felt like heaven.

Phone in hand, she fired Tony a quick message to say that she was home and padded into the front room. Pale pink walls glowed softly in the lamplight, candles scattered across shelves and tables waiting to be lit. She flopped onto the black leather sofa, the pink throw curling around her like a hug, and flicked the telly on.

Through the balcony door, her computer desk sat in its usual place, her digital kingdom, guarded by a ridiculously comfy purple chair. The sight made her grin; she’d lose hours in there if she wasn’t careful. But first, food.

The kitchen wasn’t much, but it was hers. The “Witches Vibes” calendar hung crookedly on the wall, October’s full moon circled in pen. She opened the freezer, debated cooking something proper, and then laughed to herself. Not tonight. A frozen pizza hit the mini oven with a clatter. Lazy, yes. Perfect, also yes.

Astrid spent the evening exactly how she liked it: curled up on the sofa, a hot slice of pizza in hand, and her favourite Netflix series running until the credits blurred together. By the time she set her empty plate aside, she was grinning at her phone, thumb hovering over Tony’s name.

His face filled the screen a moment later, warm and familiar. They chatted easily about their day before turning to plans for tomorrow. Astrid suggested meeting in town, maybe a bit of shopping, but Tony shrugged it off with a grin. “How about we just grab a coffee and chill at mine instead? Easier than walking around all day.”

It wasn’t fancy, and it did disappoint Astrid a little but she agreed.

The longer they talked, the more the conversation slipped into teasing and inside jokes, the kind of silly back-and-forth that left them both laughing. By the time they hung up, Astrid’s cheeks were still warm, her smile lingering as she slid beneath her bright pink bedding. Tomorrow would be simple, and she guessed that she was fine with that.

Astrid, still pre-hormones, hadn’t seen any changes in her body after being on the NHS waiting list for over two years. It was a constant source of frustration, but she tried to remind herself that patience was part of the process. Lying in bed at night, those thoughts weighed heavily, making sleep feel like a distant luxury. Without hormone therapy, she often felt self-conscious, like she wasn’t quite living as the person she knew herself to be. In those darker moments, she clung to Tony, her anchor, the one thing that kept her from tipping over the edge.

Astrid’s morning started with a casual scroll through her phone, catching up on the latest updates. After a quick trip to the bathroom, she whipped up breakfast, fried eggs on toast, her simple comfort food. With plenty of time before her afternoon plans, she treated herself to a relaxing bath, taking the chance to shave her entire body. Once done, she texted Tony to confirm their plans, a flutter of excitement in her chest. Going out was rare for them; they usually spent evenings tucked into their own spaces.

Her playlist blared empowering tunes, a soundtrack that always boosted her confidence. Picking out her outfit was almost ritualistic: fishnet tights dotted with tiny pentagrams, a black skirt just above the knee, and a top featuring a red-eyed cat inside a pentagram with the words “Satin’s Little Witch.”

Makeup was still a process. Astrid carefully built her base, covering every trace of beard shadow, then moved on to her eyes. Bold red and black, perfectly matched winged liner, it took a full fifteen minutes to get it just right, but the final result added the edgy finishing touch she was after.

Astrid opted for her signature braided pigtails, a style she loved for its playful, distinctive touch. With a few hours to spare before heading out, she treated herself to painting her nails, alternating red and black, a perfect match for her bold, confident style.

Midway through, Tony sent a message requesting a slight change to their plans. His parents were in town on a shopping trip with him and wouldn’t be leaving until five, so he asked if they could meet at five-fifteen instead. Astrid agreed, though a small twinge of disappointment settled in her chest. She longed for his hugs, for the casual closeness they often shared at home.

Even after months together, she still hadn’t met his family or friends. Tony explained he worried they might not fully understand or accept her as a transgender woman. He wanted to shield her from potential hurtful comments and admitted he wasn’t sure how to approach the subject. Their relationship wasn’t even public on Facebook yet, a reality that stung more than she cared to admit.

Astrid grabbed her Ouija board handbag and slipped on her black ankle boots, giving herself a final approving glance in the mirror. Keys in hand, she set off for the bus stop. A few curious glances followed her along the street. She knew she hadn’t quite reached the level of passing she wanted, but she dreamed of a world where people wouldn’t stare. When the bus finally arrived about ten minutes later, more lingering eyes met her, and she simply shrugged, she was used to it by now.

Once in town, she sent Tony a text from the meeting spot. A reply came shortly: he’d be a little late. Astrid waited patiently, though each passing minute stretched her nerves tighter. Even a nearby group of teenagers whispered and chuckled, making her cheeks warm.

Finally, Tony appeared. Petite and slender in his usual jeans and plain white top, he offered her a tentative smile. Astrid ran up to him, arms ready for a hug, and leaned in for a quick kiss but Tony subtly pulled back. She forced a smile, brushing off the sting, though inside it pricked her pride. Public displays of affection were rare between them, and for a moment, she wondered if the way she looked made him uneasy.

“I missed you,” Astrid said, smiling up at his warm brown eyes. Her voice training wasn’t going great, and she knew she still sounded deeper than she wanted.

“Ditto,” Tony replied, turning slightly. “Coffee first? Or did you want to head back to mine and order something in?”

“Let’s get coffee,” Astrid said, taking his hand. “We hardly ever go out together.”

“I know… I’ve done a lot of walking today, and I’m feeling tired,” Tony admitted with a sigh. “Honestly, I was hoping you’d pick the second option.” He rubbed the back of his head, flattening his spiky brown hair. Astrid had learned by now that if things didn’t go his way, he’d probably sulk the rest of the day.

“Okay, hun, we’ll go back to yours,” she said, smiling. “At least that puts us close to the bedroom if the mood strikes.” She winked, letting her hand drift down his cheek, brushing his messy brown beard.

As Astrid and Tony walked into his flat, a mix of anticipation and nerves bubbled in her chest. She’d spent the day getting ready, hoping for a little magic in their rare outing. Instead, she was met with a chaotic scene: clothes scattered across the floor, dust motes dancing in the sunlight, and the faint aroma of forgotten meals lingering in the air.

A small sigh escaped her, but she shook it off. Tony’s place might be messy, but it was his, and she wasn’t here for perfection. Settling into the cluttered front room, she pulled out her phone, ready to order food. After scrolling through a dozen apps and debating far too long, they finally agreed on Subway.

As Tony switched on the TV, Astrid tidied up the sofa to make herself more comfortable. Taking a quick glance around, it was clear that Tony hadn't put much effort into sprucing up his place. The walls were adorned with band posters, but that was about it.

"What would you like to watch?" Tony asked, scrolling through Netflix. It seemed like their routine whenever Astrid came round was to settle in and watch the TV. While she enjoyed snuggling up to him, Astrid couldn't help but yearn for a bit more excitement. She longed for nights out, having a few drinks, and exploring new adventures beyond the four walls of their flats.

"I don't know, hun," Astrid claimed, leaning over to plant a sweet kiss on Tony's cheek. "I'm just happy to be spending time with you." Tony's smile grew as he turned to capture her lips in a kiss. Their embrace was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell, chiming through the cosy flat. They both grinned, knowing their food had arrived. Tony hopped up to answer the door, his footsteps echoing in the hallway. Astrid took a moment to look around the cluttered kitchen, searching for a plate to use. It seemed like Tony hadn't done any washing up in a while. Astrid let out a gentle sigh, realizing that she could lend a hand and do some washing up. She wanted to make their time together as enjoyable and comfortable as possible.

As Tony switched on the TV, Astrid tidied the sofa, trying to carve out a little comfort amid the chaos. Posters of bands plastered the walls, but the rest of the flat seemed to have been left to its own devices. Clothes lay in small piles, empty mugs perched precariously on surfaces, and a thin layer of dust glimmered in the sunlight.

“What do you want to watch?” Tony asked, scrolling through Netflix. Their routine was familiar — TV, snacks, each other — yet part of Astrid longed for a spark beyond the flat’s four walls: nights out, a few drinks, exploring the city together.

“I don’t know, hun,” she said, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “I’m just happy to be here with you.” Tony smiled, returning the kiss, but the comfort was slightly hollow against the backdrop of the clutter.

The doorbell chimed. Food had arrived. Tony jumped up to answer it, leaving Astrid to glance around the kitchen. Dishes were stacked, crumbs littered the counter, and she couldn’t help the small sigh that escaped her. She could help clean up, make the space a little more inviting but the mess reminded her that the world she wanted with him wasn’t quite here yet.

They sat down to eat while Tony put on his favourite show, enjoying their meal in companionable silence. Once the plates were empty, Astrid rolled up her sleeves and tackled the washing up. A small twinge of annoyance lingered, she wished Tony would take more initiative in keeping his flat tidy.

Catching her expression, Tony offered a sheepish smile. Astrid let out a soft sigh and coaxed him into helping dry the dishes, sprinkling in a little playful teasing. Once the chores were done, they sank back onto the sofa, phones in hand, scrolling absently while the TV murmured in the background.

“Babe?” Astrid broke the silence. “When can I finally meet your family or friends?”

“I’ve been through this,” Tony replied, his tone edged with irritation. “They won’t understand. They’ll judge. It’s better to keep it a secret for now.”

“It’s been six months, Tony,” Astrid shot back, matching his sharpness. “I’m tired of being your secret.”

“Well, if you passed, it wouldn’t be a problem,” he said harshly. “I don’t want people thinking I’m gay.”

“I’m trans,” Astrid cried, her voice trembling. “You knew I didn’t pass when we got together!”

“Yeah, but you’ve done nothing to change it. Even your voice, it’s still… manly. I thought you’d look better by now,” he sneered.

“So I’m ugly?” Astrid’s words cut like a knife.

“Yeah,” he said bluntly, and the room went silent. “Look, the truth is… I’m gay. I wanted you to be a little more passable so nobody would know.”

“I’m not a guy,” Astrid sobbed. “I might have… extra stuff now, but I’ll have the surgery when I can. What would have happened then?”

“I’d probably be out by then,” he muttered. “I guess… I’m ready now. I’ll tell my parents I’m gay, then you can meet them.”

“You think I’m staying with you after you just called me ugly?” Astrid’s voice shook with fury. “And for the last time, I am trans. I am not a guy.”

“You’re a guy in a dress,” Tony shrugged, cruelly calm. “That’s what trans women are, men in dresses, playing make-believe.”

Astrid didn’t reply. She grabbed her things, her chest tight with a mix of rage and heartbreak, and walked out, slamming the door behind her.