The Voiceless

I looked at this challenge and took a few days to look back on all the media I've consumed over my life. Not once have I ever felt represented by someone who was bisexual.

When it comes to action, horror, sci-fi, fantasy, romance, or any other genre. I cannot remember a single instance where someone who was shown blatantly to be bisexual that I felt represented me as a person.

When I was 14, I started dating my first girlfriend. We ended up breaking up by the time I was 15. From there I had a series of short lived local and long distance relationships. A few were healthy, most were toxic. I still believed in the fairy tale ending of romance while I attracted a lot of attention from older women.

Somewhere in that mess, I met my first and only intersex partner. This was before a lot of terms were known to me and I still remember the day she came out that she was born with both genitals. How scared she was that I'd reject her. It was that day I found out I was bisexual. Her and I both referred to her as a hermaphrodite, for me, it was because I seen the Greek goddess Aphrodite in the name. The goddess of beauty. To which, she was very beautiful. But we were both young and she was moving to the other side of the world to New Zealand, me still on the east coast of Canada. I don't think we could get much further apart physically than that. Some days, I wish our relationship thrived on because she was one of the few people I truly felt safe to be myself with. Other days I'm glad it didn't, because last we spoke she was getting married and living a happy life. I don't know if I could bare the idea of my depression affecting her happiness if we continued.

But it was entering the LGBT communities of the time, where I was exploring who I was that I never stopped to realize at the time that there were 25-40 year olds taking advantage of me and using my nature of wearing my heart on my sleeve. Whether they were older women, older men, older men pretending to be women online I was in a barrage of quick short lived romances where I never understood that for a lot of them, I was a young person they could manipulate and get off to.

I was not an adult.

I was not ready to be used and dumped.

I almost killed myself due to the mental distress caused by it.

Not one of them thought to themselves that I was a minor and could use a friend over being used for sexual fantasies.

Fast forward a few more years, a few more suicidal nights, and a few healthy and not-so-healthy relationships. LGBTQ+ is in the media a lot more. But not in any way that I felt represented me.

I see arguments all the time that LGBT people would never harm children. Like my experience and that of many others is non-existent. Or arguments of lowering the age of consent like when I was 15-17 that I could fully understand the hook-up culture of 20-30 year olds. That I didn't still have the illusion of a fairy tale happy ever after idea of dating and sex.

Then they point to statistics and numbers. One thing I've learned early on is statistics mean fuck all. You're smart enough to know not all crime gets reported, but dumb enough to think all the 13-17 year olds out there preyed upon by adults are going to go to authorities when more times than not, the person preying upon them has some sort of blackmail to use against the child?

I can tell you with clarity, there were times I was afraid not for my own safety but those around me because of how possessive my abusers were. I had nightmares that they would show up to my door and it'd be the last anyone seen or heard from me alive.

Some days I wish I could go back in time and somehow stop myself from going down this road so that I don't have to deal with the anxiety or depression that came with it all.

Other days, I am glad it was me that it happened to. Because for a man who's been battling depression on his own for nearly half his life, I've been managing it pretty well and have been able to use my own personal experience to help people going through similar stuff.

I've been able to talk a 12 year old boy down from suicide because the school system made him feel like a monster for being born a boy. His peers and teacher mocked him because he asked the curious question of "Why isn't there an international men's day?" in regard to the female teacher getting the class ready for international women's day.

I've been able to talk a trans person out of suicide because he didn't feel comfortable in his body after his mother and peers encouraged him to medically transition. A case that truly cut deep into me because there's no going back fully and many in the LGBTQ+ community are quick to deny cases like his even exist.

There are still days I curl up and wish I didn't wake up tomorrow. But being able to help people like them, the people media and social media tells you do not exist or exist in such a small number they do not matter or are irrelevant. The voiceless. They are what keep me going some days because I will always try to be a light in the dark for those that do not feel like they belong in the LGBTQ+ community.

Like myself, you can be LGBTQ+, but not be a part of the activist community. I do not feel pride due to my sexuality, there is no representation of me because they identify as my sexuality. They are not me, they do not represent me, and in more cases than not they make being open about what I am less and less appealing or even safe.

Take George Takei for example, a gay public figure who played a role in Star Trek. While I liked his character in the show, him as a person on social media is one of the most divisive individuals I've ever seen. Every single post is targeted toward dividing people, I have yet to see a social media post where he unites people regardless of creed or sexuality on anything. Yet he takes public shots at people like Donald Trump and Elon Musk.

This gets into the realm of politics but it's very relevant to my identity. I don't care if someone agrees with my sexuality or private life. It's none of their business yet many in the media would have you believe I owe them allegiance because they "speak" for me and that being against them is being against myself.

Every single time Donald Trump gets crucified for snippets that when I look into, he's never been against people like me. In fact he couldn't give any less fucks that someone like me exists. Everything I've watched fully from him in regards to actual plans, he wants a better economy so that regardless of our creed or sexuality we can all afford to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. While his opposition are so focused on tearing him apart they forget to mention they take our money and make us reliant on handouts if we're deemed needy enough to receive them.

Then you have Elon Musk, who, outside of allowing anyone to speak on his platform X now, has made advancements and goals in technology that no one else is willing to put their money down into developing. I never knew about him until I did my university environment project on his first stage rocket testing. Where being successful would mean ~$60million saved per launch and less damage to the environment from the first stage landing and being destroyed, with the fuel killing off ecosystems as it leaks from the broken rocket.

Now, he's one of the few public figures I'd consider a role model. He's praised by some, and attacked by others. But regardless, not caring if anyone even remembers his name, he's putting the money and effort into creating a better tomorrow for everyone. From advancing us on the space front and giving humans a real chance at becoming a multi-planetary species some day and allow us to explore the universe, to creating brain chips that are suppose to interact with nervous systems cut off to the brain and give people use of their arms and legs. Something many of us take for granted, and some are born without ever being able to walk. If successful, his Neuralink device could change the lives of tens of thousands of people overlooked. He's also been one of the leading voices in concern about the use of AI and against making it privately owned. While it's very easy for the western world to overlook how valuable of a resource AI is, for someone living in poverty in some remote village in Asia or Africa, free use of tech like AI can give them quality access to learning resources and navigate problems they don't know where to traditionally look for the answers for.

Then you have ones like JK Rowling who I admire for her unwillingness to back down with threats of jail time and fines for speech. Media and some in the LGBT community would rather me see her as an enemy. But I do not. Because while I do not agree with everything she says, her freedom to say it is your freedom and my freedom to say anything as well and not fear being locked away or killed because of it. People within the community making threats towards JK Rowling and her supporters are no different than the KKK, neo-nazis, or any other hate group when it comes to their mentality. If love and acceptance is what is desired in this world, then we need to be the prime example of what that is.

There are good and bad apples in every batch. I do not see myself represented in LGBTQ+ activism culture. I get regularly attacked by activists because they see me as a white CIS straight male due to how easily they judge a book by its cover. They don't see the people they are fighting against are the same people who actually accept me as myself. I've never felt unsafe around supporters of Trump, Musk, or Rowling. But the people against them? I'll get threats of physical violence from them regularly. I'll get mocked and degraded like my life experience means nothing.

So it's here I sit. Unrepresented by pop-culture and the media. Pushed away and disgusted by modern day activism. Being a beacon in the dark for those that feel the same as I do and feel their voices are drowned out in the hatred.