The Truth Behind A Breakup

Can I confess something? One of my breakups wasn’t caused by Britney, like I tell people. Yes, she plays a minimal part, but there was something deeper going on. Something that is as important today as it was in 2018 when I broke up with him.

Doug and I met at the 96th Street subway station. He worked as a police officer, and I was coming off a fun but boozy dinner with friends. This isn’t a love-at-first-sight story; at best, it was lust at first sight.

One of the trains arrived and emptied most of the people in the building. I looked over at Doug, and he smiled at me. Deciding to be bold, I approached him with one of the lamest opening lines of all time.

“I seem to be lost; want to take me home?” I said, batting my eyes.

“I would if I weren’t on duty. Give me your phone,” he said.

After I gave him my phone, he put his number in and sent himself a text message. We promised to talk later after his shift was over.

Once I got on the train, I texted my friends about what happened. But I warned them not to get too excited because I was not convinced that he would actually reach out to me. Especially after the bad pickup line.

Coffee And Trouble Brewing

Much to my surprise, after I finished getting ready for bed, there was a message on my phone from him. One that brought a broad smile to my face.

“Can I make you a pancake breakfast sometime?” Doug said.

We made a date for that Friday night. For dinner, we went to a little diner near his house. After we ate, we walked around Central Park for a little while.

The conversation was easy, and when he held my hand, it felt like fireworks. After a while, we found a bench and sat down. I laid my head on his shoulder; he gave me a butterfly kiss on my forehead.

Eventually, we decided that it was time to go home. I intended to go to my apartment, but Doug had very different ideas. And I wasn’t opposed to his thinking.

“Want me to make you that pancake breakfast tomorrow?”

“I would love it, but I need to find out what time the train runs,” I said.

“Or you could stay the night with me and just be there,” Doug said with a grin.

That was enough for me. Excitement pulsated through me as we made our way to the train. Once we were on board, we became the annoying people who make out in front of everyone.

When I woke up the next morning, the smell of freshly made pancakes and bacon greeted me. This was something I could get used to, especially the visual of my guy cooking for me.

He turned and smiled at me. “Good morning, breakfast is almost done, and I have coffee brewing.”

“You’re the best, do you know that?”

Impulsively, I went up to him and wrapped my arms around him before planting a kiss on his lips. We smiled at one another when we pulled away. My mind wondered if this was what I had been looking for all along.

After breakfast, we ran some errands together. It felt like we were a couple that had been together for years rather than coming off a first date. Things were going well, almost too well.

The errands turned into us having dinner, and dinner turned into him making me breakfast on Sunday morning. It was all very rinse and repeat. Except Doug had to work the next day and I had a looming deadline.

Any concern about what would happen when we weren’t together was squashed right away. He sent a text making sure that I made it home safely. Then made sure that I was happy with how we spent the weekend.

I affirmed that it was a wonderful weekend. He asked me if I wanted to go to dinner that Thursday, and I quickly agreed.

It seemed like this was going for the long term. Doug and I seemed to get on very well.

Three weeks into our relationship, he asked me the all-important question. No, he didn’t propose. He asked me if I would go to dinner with his best friend and the bestie’s husband. Reluctantly, I agreed. But I had a bad feeling about how this was going to turn out.

It Wasn't Britney's Fault

When we got to the restaurant, I felt like the odd one out. Doug, Josh (the bestie), and Carl (the husband) were all in law enforcement. But they didn’t make me feel like the odd man out. Not at first, in any case.

“So, Ed, tell us what kind of music you like,” Josh said as we were seated at our table.

“Britney is queen,” I said with a smile on my face.

“You know he hates Britney, right?” Carl said.

We hadn’t really discussed music, so I was unaware of how he felt about Britney or any other singer. We chatted a lot about work and family, but not any pop culture stuff.

Learning that he didn’t like Britney was enough to put me on edge. Many of my exes weren’t as big of a fan of hers as I am, but none hated her. Still, I bit my tongue and waited to see how things shook out.

Doug seemed to notice my discomfort and tried to change the subject. He told a story about one of their friends who had an abortion. As soon as the story started, my stomach dropped to my feet.

His next words made my blood run cold.

“I can’t believe she did that to Todd (her boyfriend). And I can’t believe she came to me thinking that I would give her any kind of sympathy after what she did,” Doug said.

At this point, I knew I had to speak up. I had to say something and let it be known that I did not agree with how this man was talking about a lady, especially when she wasn’t around to defend herself.

“None of us at this table will ever have to make the choice that she did. Maybe show some empathy and be a shoulder for her to cry on,” I said. All of their eyes were on me, and I knew that this would be the last time I saw Doug.

“You cannot seriously be pro-choice,” Josh said.

“Funny, I didn’t think you could lack a heart, but here we are,” I said.

After that, I stood up and slammed a twenty-dollar bill on the table. Doug and I locked eyes, but when he couldn’t find the words to assure me that he wasn’t a monster that turned a terrible situation into gossip, I stormed off.

When I’ve told that story before, I said that Britney ended my relationship. But the truth is, I broke up with Doug because our values didn’t align, and I refuse to date someone who had a misogynistic streak like what he exhibited.