The Spectrum Of Sexy

I think about sex often, and I know I'm not the only one. Most of us desire it, fantasize about it, and dream about it, and it's by far one of the most entertaining subjects of all time. Sex is an amazing, natural, wonderful, hot, pleasurable, fun, and sexy thing, which is no wonder why most of us have some level or form of desire for it.

Sex, in all its wonderment, may ultimately serve a different purpose for everyone. For me, it's expressive, satisfying, stress-reducing, and it strengthens intimacy. It seems like society has distorted our view of sex as this dirty thing people only do, in secret, not to be spoken of.

So, why can't we talk about it? When did it become so uncomfortable? Where did it all go sideways? I have an undying desire to understand what all the taboo around sex is.

As teenagers we navigate the possibility of crossing paths with someone who finds us as amazing as we find them with the perfect blend of personality, vibe, and chemistry. The confusion of puberty can leave us in a much different place than where we anticipated being. The desire to have sex is very powerful, and the stronger the desire to do something, the easier it is to identify what makes us tick. Even thoug our needs evolve over time, a natural and healthy part of growth and maturity, it is my belief we know what we like.

Sexual freedom means everyone has a right not to be judged for what turns them on. With Pride month encouraging me to analyze where I fall on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, I started wondering what it means to be drawn toward someone.

Same-sex relationships were not something freely acknowledged in the years of my youth. Once I allowed myself to explore the beauty of a woman's energy, I experimented with same-sex relationships, and it seemed the vibe was never right even if I found myself turned on much more than I thought I would be. Certain physical features will always get my attention, but most of my energy is spent being attracted to things we are not able to see on the outside. So how do we know who or what we are attracted to? It's just something we know. No argument there.

For the record, it will always be male energy for the win, outwieghed by desire to entertain a penis. Although I may overlap with being gay in some ways, I have confidence that my future person is a happily penis-wielding heterosexual male who likes long, curly-haired, therapeutic writers.

What turns you on?

We do not have control over who arouses us, at least in my experience. Sexual attraction is a fluid energy flowing through and between us. When I notice a man, and he turns my head, my head is turned all the way, like it has the rotation capabilities of an owl. Sometimes, it surprises me what kind of vibe gets my attention.

And what about love? They can feel the same, even inseparable, but they are not. Though often intersecting, love is like a seed that grows a fruit-bearing flower, where sex is like a bouncy ball in constant motion, with the potential to change speed and direction without warning. In an ideal situation, they work in a wonderful synergy that builds and becomes something much greater than the sum of the two parts. I see them as separate, equal, and vital to one another's survival. Finding a partner you vibe with both mentally and physcially, someone you find love and an undying desire to be physical with, you may have hit the jackpot.

As a strong LGBTQIA+ ally and mental health professional, I've learned the burden of the ridiculous, and numerous, stereotypes, and an incredible amount of stigma involved with same-sex relationships. Honestly, if you are not in a same-sex relationship, you shouldn’t have much of a right to say how one should be.

I’m not sure if I can pinpoint my exact location on the spectrum, and even if I see women I am attracted to from time to time, I don't consider myself gay. Perhaps this puts me on the hetero side of the rainbow, somewhere in or near the lesbian zone. Wherever that is, it will most likely look different from where you’re standing, anyhow.