The Rainbow Barn Owl

I lay here in the loft, breathing small white puffs that turn softly to wisps in the cold night air. They lay long, and distinct across the pin pricked blanket of blackness that is the night sky until the warmth that was within me becomes one with the frosty atmosphere and disappears. I wait in utter stillness. I imagine your wings opening wide for the first flight of evening, immense and strong, able to lift such a large animal into the air, but also agile; able to dive when your keen eyes spot some unlucky prey and make a swift, soft, and precise landing, and I wish you could fly farther, Dear Barn Owl.

I am not agile, or precise, or even coordinated. I don’t even know who I am. Or what I am. I am a bungling rainbow falling ironically up the steps of this barn looking for answers to the questions of my “Self,” my “Soul.” I sit with my view half inside the barn, watching you watch me, and half outside so I can watch you soar with your first flight.

You watch me. You watch me watching you. You move your head low and to the side in some motion that would look unearthly from any other creature. What about me is curious?

What piques your interest, friend? I promise you will find nothing worth looking at here. I wish I could fly like you. But I would be a Rainbow Owl. One who finds love and happiness in any place, with any person. Just fly away…leave this farm, leave this town, the people, my family everything. Leave her far, far behind me.

She is so beautiful. She would sit here beside me and watch you fly, my Owl, out into the night to find your meal. She would climb up into the highest rafters where you roost, dear Owl, and search for feathers and pellets that we could dissect, like we were in fifth grade science again, looking for bones and other undigestables. She would smile, and squeal with glee when she pulled some strangely shaped oddity from the pellets. She would look up and her hair would brush her face. I wanted for so long to brush that hair back for her.

And oh, the way she smelled! She smelled like Mother Earth; earthy, and floral, with a hint of spice. Like she ran through the woods after a spring rain and rolled in a meadow. I would lean in to show her some small creature or plant in the garden as often as possible so I could just get a breath of her.

Her skin is the color of coffee with cream, and just as smooth. I longed to run my fingertips along her beautiful arms and along her lean strong neck. All summer I sat a hair’s breadth away from her, and longed to bridge that gap, though I never could. All summer we would watch you, dear Owl, and she would gasp and clasp my hand when you took flight, lost in the majesty of your flight. Then shyly, she would blush, and laugh her little laugh, and brush back that beautiful hair when she took her hand from mine.

I laid beside her in this loft while the heat of summer turned to falling leaves, and crisp, late autumn evenings. I took my chance because of you, Dear Owl; when you took flight, she reached for my hand, and I leaned in to taste the wisps of warmth as they came from her lips. She responded for the most beautiful 3 seconds of my life.

I felt like you, Dear Owl, soaring above everything with not a care or worry in the world. I saw our future in those 3 seconds. The love we could share….

Those 3 seconds ended.

She pulled away and looked at my face for what felt like years. Like she was memorizing every dimple, and freckle on my face.

Then she stood up, and turned, and walked away without a word.

I haven’t seen her since.

What do I do, Dear Owl? How do I fly free of this place where my family tree’s roots pull at me when I open my wings? I would fly to places unknown and be a Rainbow Owl, one who shines down on others to let them know it is ok to be a rainbow.

Dear Owl, let’s fly! Let us quit being Barn Owls and fly far, far away. Let’s leave this hay loft and find our rainbow feathers. Let’s meet people who bring us joy, who turn our feathers beautiful colors and fill our hearts with warmth and love. Let’s build a rainbow of feathers across our backs and soar to heights we never knew existed!

I jump to my feet, excited to take flight! I spin around just in time to watch you, Dear Owl. You take flight– but instead of your usual path straight out the door– you circle above me, your wing brushes my face, you circle so close. As you gain momentum for your flight the light hits your feathers just right, Dear Owl, and I catch the slightest iridescence in your feathers.

It makes me smile.