The Drag Show Breakup

"I am not responsible for Drunk Ed!"

It's a warning that I give to almost everyone who decides to drink with me. Most of the time, he stays tucked away in the recesses of my subconscious, but sometimes he decides to escape. And when he does, the chaos that ensues can take months to undo. Or not. Sometimes it's best left alone.

The sixth anniversary of my 21st birthday was one of those times when it was best to let Drunk Ed's actions stand. During this time, I was in a very unhappy and unstable relationship. My ex, Wayne, thought he was God's gift to academia. And to be fair, he was smart. The problem is that book smarts don't translate to social intelligence. He couldn't read the room.

As my birthday approached, we were arguing more. Sometimes it was small things like why he was unable to take the trash out on his way to class. Other times, it was bigger stuff. Like how I text him on my lunch break on my birthday. He didn't reply, which was unusual. When I got home, I confronted him about it.

"I text you on my lunch," I said.

"I saw, but I was with Bill."

"You were with another guy and didn't think to let me know?!"

"It's none of your business…"

That set me off. I asked him to get out and go stay at his parents' house. He refused, claiming he needed to study. Eventually, he saw things my way and left the apartment.

Later that night, I got a text. "I'm sorry you don't trust me…" I began to wonder if it was time to end the relationship. It felt like a big decision.

---

As the night of my party drew near, I continued to grapple with whether it was time to break up with Wayne. There were no friends I could ask, they all hated him. The decision was mine to make. Alone.

Wayne knew that something was weighing on my mind, whether he knew that I was considering ending things or not is up for debate. Later, he would claim he knew that a break-up was coming. I walked out of the bathroom in a new outfit. He let out an appreciative sigh.

"You look great."

"Thanks, tonight is going to be fun," I said.

"It will be. But why do you want to have fun without me?"

"Why did you go to lunch with another man and hide it?" I said.

We hadn't made up at this point. I told him that it would be best if he stayed home and left me alone with my friends for my party. He protested and tried to convince me, but I wouldn't let him. The hurt that I felt, was too much. And the fact that he said I didn't need to know made me suspect that something more was going on. It also made me believe that ending the relationship was the right step.

But I was scared.

---

My friend Gabe picked me up. After exchanging pleasantries and compliments on each other's outfits, we sang along to some Britney Spears songs. Nothing was said about why Wayne didn't drive me. When we got to the bar, the bouncer pulled me into a big hug. I had been going to The Rainbow Room since I was allowed in and had met countless great people there.

Once inside, the waitress brought me a drink without needing my order. She set it in front of me with a happy birthday and a wink. For the first time that week, I relaxed. As my friends arrived, more drinks were put in front of me. At some point, any anxiety I felt seemed to dissolve. Being around people who cared about me felt like a warm hug.

"What's he doing here?" Gabe said. I looked up to see Wayne standing in the line to enter the bar. The breath caught in my throat. He didn't show up to celebrate with me, he wanted to find out what was being said about him. He walked over to me and went in for a kiss, I turned my head. Before he could take the seat next to me, another of my friends sat down. They also put yet another drink in front of me.

Wayne walked to the end of the table and sat down. He pulled out his phone and preoccupied himself with something. It didn't matter, my brain was a swirling mess of fuzz. And shortly thereafter, the drag show began.

---

The Rainbow Room was renowned for its drag shows. Winning the title of "Ms. Rainbow Room" was one of the most sought-after accolades in the drag community. The current Ms. Rainbow Room happened to be hosting the show for my party. And she happened to be a friend of mine. She danced to a couple of songs, and her partner for the night also performed.

Both queens took the stage and asked about birthdays. I was dragged up with them as the entire bar sang to me. Then Ms. Rainbow Room handed me a tequila shot and ordered me another drink for when I got back to my seat. After answering some of her questions with sass and her responding in kind, she got down to the nitty-gritty.

"So, are you taken or single?" she said.

"Single," I said.

The answer slipped out before I knew what was happening. Wayne's eyes grew wide, and a look of fury crossed his face. It didn't faze me, I was having my diva moment. One of the guys closest to me blew me a kiss, and I raised my eyebrow at him. He came up on the stage and we kissed. The bar clapped and hollered for us.

---

I didn't go back to my apartment that night. The alcohol-fueled kiss with the stranger turned into a delightful time of making out and going to get breakfast with a new set of friends. When I did get home, Wayne was waiting for me. He was pacing around, the same look of fury from the night before on his face. I opened the door and he stared at me.

"I pay the rent here, if you don't want to see me, then you can leave," I said.

"Is that why I wasn't invited? Because you wanted to hook up with someone else?"

"No, you weren't invited because you went to lunch with another guy on my birthday and told me it was none of my business," I said.

As he realized that I wasn't apologizing or trying to make things right, he began to cry. He asked if the relationship was really over. I affirmed to him a few times that it was, that I was tired of the disrespect. Was it the most mature way to handle a breakup? No. But I also don't regret what happened.

The relationship had run its course. Wayne and I wanted different things, we were too different. But a lesson learned was that instead of twirling myself into a ball of anxiety, I need to speak my truth.