Sophie's World: A sad soul trapped in a pack of wolves

Sophie now faced a world where there was no place for her in anyone's heart. It was as if she had been trapped amidst a horde of demons, all eager to tear her soul apart. Every corner of the world had become empty for her; perhaps even God had severed his bond with that innocent soul. Everyone only wanted to hurt her heart and was ready to torment her soul.

My eldest daughter, Sophie, was once just an ordinary girl. She looked just like the other girls. She was always beautiful, and her innocence shone through her sparkling blue eyes and sweet, gentle smile that never left her face. Sophie was the apple of her father’s eye, "his dearest daughter." Her two younger siblings, John and Elisa, also adored her. The three of them would often play together, and their father would sit for hours in the garden, watching them, as if there was no other comfort than witnessing that scene.

But on Sophie’s seventeenth birthday, she made a revelation to me that completely changed our lives. On an extremely cold night in January, we celebrated Sophie’s seventeenth birthday. Everyone was happy. But after Sophie’s friends, her father, John, and Elisa had gone to bed, it was just the two of us sitting by the bonfire.

Her face, which had been glowing before, had now faded. I had never seen such seriousness on her face before.

Suddenly, she said, “Mom, I have a secret, one I’ve been hiding for many years, but today I’m going to tell you. I can’t keep it hidden any longer. It’s been weighing on my heart.”

“What is it, my daughter? I feel a change in you today, am I right?”

“Mom, this change has been within me since birth, but I’ve been hiding it from all of you until now. I don’t know how to tell you, but... Mom, I am gay. I’m different from other girls. I don’t find boys attractive... I like girls,” she said, taking a deep breath in a voice filled with sorrow.

Sophie’s words hit me like a thunderbolt. My heart began to race, and my soul trembled. For a while, I couldn’t say anything. Then I looked at her. “Her head was bowed, and tears were falling from her eyes. I gently stroked her head, and she hugged me tightly and wept. Her sobs moved me to tears too.

“Don’t worry, my dear daughter, I’m with you, no matter your feelings. Your mother will always stand by you,” I said, comforting her.

But the next day, when Sophie’s father learned about her being gay, he slapped her hard across the face. His eyes were filled with disgust and anger, as this surely damaged his pride. The thought of society mocking him consumed him. He said many hurtful things to her. From that day on, he never spoke to Sophie again. He also strictly ordered John and Elisa to stay away from her. John and Elisa eventually began to hate Sophie as well. Other than me, Sophie no longer talked to anyone in the house. Several times her father tried to throw her out of the house, but I somehow stopped him. The poor girl was utterly alone in the house now. Her younger siblings had distanced themselves from her, too, and no longer came near her.

When Sophie’s girlfriend’s parents found out their daughter was gay, they moved away from the city where they were living. Sophie was devastated by this separation and spent her days confined to her room. She just wanted to stay within the four walls, away from the world’s gaze, as if everything had ended. She stopped attending college because there, too, everyone made fun of her, especially the boys. Wherever she went, she was mocked and ridiculed. So she stopped leaving the house altogether, hiding herself in the dark corners of her room. The sparkle in her eyes was gone, her smile had vanished, and her heart was filled with anxiety.

But one day, I learned that Sophie’s girlfriend, Scarlett, had hanged herself at her home. Poor Scarlett couldn’t bear the cruelty of this world. She couldn’t endure the pain of being separated from Sophie, nor the pressure society had placed on her. In the end, she took her own life. This was the most painful moment of my life. Not even when I lost my first child just moments after birth did I feel such grief and emptiness as I do now. I had never felt such sorrow before.

I felt even worse for Sophie, who was now living through the most painful moments of her life.

When Sophie heard the news of Scarlett’s death, she nearly went mad. She cried for days on end. Whenever I went to her, she would cling to me tightly. I always slept beside her, and as she would fall into a deep sleep in my arms, I would just watch her innocent face. I felt so much pity for that little girl. Whenever I looked at her face, I could see the pain hidden inside her, sown by the merciless eyes of society. I wanted to give her all the love in the world because I knew the world would only give her pain.

One day, she asked me, “Mom, will I ever be able to leave these dark walls without caring about anyone’s judgment?” I could see the fear in her eyes. “I told her, ‘Normality is a concept created by society, my dear daughter. But every person’s feelings are pure. You must accept yourself, no matter what the world says.’”

But my heart ached even more when Scarlett was denied burial in a public cemetery because she was gay. No cemetery allowed her to be buried, so she was laid to rest near her home. That day, I realized the true cruelty of this world. There is no respect for the pure feelings of a human being. This oppression from society shook my soul deeply.

Sophie became more isolated, growing weaker with time. Her condition worsened. When I told her father that she needed to go to the hospital, his response was, “Let her die. I have nothing to do with her anymore. For me, she’s already dead.”

But I took her to the hospital, and after a few days of treatment, Sophie slipped into a coma due to her extreme weakness. Eventually, three months later, she fully recovered, and I brought her home. However, her father refused to let her enter the house. His final decision was that Sophie would never set foot in this house again. So I took Sophie to my parents’ house.

In the end, I divorced my husband. I could no longer watch Sophie suffer. I wanted to take her far away from those who caused her pain and sorrow.

I moved with my beloved daughter to a new city, with the help of my parents and my brother. I will be forever grateful to them.

As soon as we set foot in the new city, Sophie took her first deep breath of freedom. Her eyes sparkled once again, and I saw that same old, sweet smile on her face. She was no longer hating herself or running from her identity. Instead, she felt proud of who she was. My joy knew no bounds. I was proud of both myself and my daughter for freeing ourselves from the clutches of wolves. I now want to dedicate my life to Sophie, to make her a strong warrior, one who can become a symbol for gay women everywhere.

No matter who a person is or what their feelings may be, whether they are gay or not, they are a human being first. Every human must respect that person. Being gay is not a crime, but society refuses to accept it to protect its false pride. For God, everyone is equal. He loves all, including gay people.

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