Second First Birthday

Today I turned one, all over again I am one years old!

Hard to believe, long time thought it would never come to be

But it has, it came, a whole year of the new, better … true me

Taking that first tablet three hundred and sixty five days ago

A year of excitement, of change, a year of growth, love and joy

Yet with all that comes the territory of potential fear and loss

Out of my hands, response of others, all I did was (re)say 'hello'

Though I have always been me, just for a long time hidden, masked

How did I live before? I now wonder that perhaps … I really didn’t

So much good has come from this first year of my renewed life

A life’s purpose re-found, new friendships made along the way

Some old connections may have gone, but others refreshed

So I’ll celebrate the day today with cake for me, a rainbow cake!

I feel for the first time worth celebrating, worth the fuss, worth the cake

Thinking back months before, to before the first pills, before the new me

Life-changing importance of the night I cracked and acceptance came

Tears almost flowing at the painful loss and end that could have been

Looking back, I was so close to my own end and did not know it

Years of shame and hiding, fearing I was the 'wicked' one in whispers

Beyond fixing, too broken to continue, lost without words to know myself

But the right thought, the right input, right words at the precise right time

- and some people say there is no loving, caring, merciful one above all -

That night, that start led to this, to me being me, to finding help and hope

To seek support and taking those first brave steps, so long put off from fear

Without journey’s beginning, have no doubt … I would not be here now

A year old, looking forward to the bright, happy life still possible for me

So please join me, cake is optional of course! As I say, loud and proudly

'Hip Hip Hooray! A very Happy 1st new birthday to Savannah ... to me!'