Restored

Change is a funny thing... It's something that is inevitable and yet I have feared it for most of my life. Even though Change is what has finally made my life feel worth living. So do I still fear it? Yes, a little. But will I try to embrace and grow as a person with each new phase and change in my life from now on? ... Maybe? I mean I'll certainly try, as I've seen how much good change can bring when embraced.

Here I don't want to focus on the change that accepting myself and beginning gender transition has brought, for that could take a whole book! I want to share and explore the change that came from that change, in a space people might not expect to see a positive change for a trans girl.

Church

In my process of letting people into my life fully (otherwise known as 'coming out') I moved outward in ever increasing social circles and levels of connection with people. When I reached the point where it was time to tell people at my church and essentially 'come out' at church, I admit I was a little nervous ... My church has always been a place that has demonstrated that any and all are welcome ... but just who was and is included in 'all'? Sometimes in churches there's a little * after that word like the 'but' in 'I love you ... but' the but makes the previous statement meaningless.

But golly gosh, my church ... It started with talking to my minister (well writing a letter) he is an old family friend who was good friends with my dad so has always been there for me as I grew up. He and his wife were immediately accepting and assured me it changed nothing between us ... and that the church leadership had been planning to try and implement some steps to make it more clear and known that we were a place where *all* are welcome, it had been a back-burner issue, until now ...

Enter Savannah, the Christian trans girl! Here to turn your understanding of faith and what a Christian looks like upside down ...

And what a trans girl looks like!

Within a few weeks, all the background work and discussions were done … and it was time for the big reveal and to see how the church as a whole responded … an announcement was made which caused a lot of excitement; cause it was like a ‘so next week won’t be live streamed or recorded, there’s something we want to talk about as a church family and community and it’s for us, not for the online world (I personally found this such a gracious and loving decision) "So stay tuned everyone! Come back next week for the reveal!"

Except of course I wasn’t there the next week! I had already planned a trip to my bff’s for that weekend, and also my minister actually asked me, he presumed I wouldn’t want to be there for the big announcement and he was correct … just that moment when everyone looks at me during it all and the attention it brings on the day … he knew I didn’t want that and it’s not like I didn’t know what the big secret announcement was going to be!

That day I got a message of equal parts excitement and apology from a friend at church, because he had missed my coming out post on Facebook the week before (the algorithm buried it and a lot of people missed it - which is a funny thing on it’s own) he apologised for missing the post (someone else told him it was there) and made sure to let me know he and his wife were fully supportive and behind me … which was a great relief as they are my closest friends at church, and some of the only other people in my age range at all!

Then of course the real test … my first week at church, known as Savannah … I was a little nervous.

It was amazing … In the best possible way, it wasn’t a big deal that I was there. People said hi, and came and talked to me as they normally would, just now they called me Savannah, or ‘Sav’ as I’d said that was an option and had been using it for a while for coffee orders and stuff anyway (yeah we got a coffee cart at church!) I'm moving away from 'Sav' now I feel I don't need it - I introduce myself as Savannah always now, but a new nickname I'm adoring, especially for online use, was given to me by my Long Distance Bestie, K.F. (Honestly do yourself a favour and head to her profile, her poems are absolutely breathtaking!) K.F. gifted me the nickname 'Savy' - I cherish and love this nickname so very much, in part because of where it came from, and also let's be honest ... it's cute AF!

But honestly, as much as I prefer Savannah or Savy, if people at church, or anywhere call me 'Sav' I don't mind at all, just don't call me (____) or late for dinner!

It’s just been a continual thing of improvement … have there been the odd misgendering or using the wrong name? Yeah sure. Did I think any of them were intentional or had any ill intent? Not at all, each time people have acknowledged and corrected, or I did if I don’t think they caught it, not in a snarky way, just to help them remember to do it next time.

I have continued growing in confidence in what I wear to church, and have worn dresses to church more than anywhere else in public! Because I feel safe there, I feel I can wear what I want and trust no one will say anything but compliments. Now it’s Spring and the weather is heating up, I am soooooo excited to wear some more summery dresses …

This has been an incredible and positive change in my life … to finally feel like I’m myself in church and to feel accepted and welcomed and loved for being exactly who I am … I am aware that I am in the lucky minority of LGBT+ people in general regarding churches. But the difference it’s made for me about being there in that space has been so amazing, I went from a person that almost no one really knew even after being there for 8 + years and now being someone that most people at least know of … most importantly the coffee team know me and my order, so when they see my reusable cup … they know the order is for Savy!

I always feared change in life … and I still have bad changes happening …

But this change and upgraded and exciting time at my church has been, for lack of a less pun-filled word ... restoring!

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This piece was written for the Queer Vocal Voices 'Change' Challenge (albeit as a group admin and therefore ineligible from winning) and was an interesting prompt to think about and write.

And if you're a Queer Voice on Vocal, check out QVV! We'd love to have you as part of the fam!

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If you would like to chat about being Queer and being Christian, or if you have questions for me on the topic at all, please feel free to reach out on Instagram: @skwilsonauthor

I attend Restore Church, Castle Hill (in the Sydney area of NSW, Australia) and I can personally confirm you would be welcome, as you are ... no if's but's or maybe's (well ... if you don't like coffee some people might snob you)

If you happen to be in the area and interested ... feel free to come along. I'll be the single trans woman sitting in her special spot in the back left row.