Pansexuality from a Pansexual Perspective

I identify as queer & pansexual. When asked, I openly express my labels but more often than not I am met with, “isn’t pansexuality transphobic?” Or “isn’t that just bisexual?”

No. Nope. Nuh-uh. WRONG. Pansexuality is NOT just another word for bisexuality, it is not transphobic nor is it trans exclusive. Pansexuality is attraction REGARDLESS of gender. It means that your attraction to someone is to them, and the physical parts aren’t a factor in that attraction. Bisexuality is attraction to two or more genders, not just the attraction to two genders or just binarized genders of cis male and cis female. Pansexual people are still attracted to different looking people, they still have preferences as to who they’re attracted to, it’s just that gender doesn’t play a role in the attraction.

Looking back on my youth, I realize that I’ve always been attracted to people’s energies more than anything. Everyone was beautiful to me, and I was fascinated by humans in general. I’m drawn to people and how they make me feel. That's not to say I don't have an attraction to their physical bodies either. While my preference tends to be towards femme individuals & non-binary/gender non conforming folks, it doesn’t mean any other form of gender expression is off the table for me. My first real relationship at 14 was with a cis female, though after that I buried my sexuality and pretended I was heterosexual and not struggling with my own gender expression as well. It took a handful of relationships and ultimately being with my current wife & partner in pansexuality. My openness and expression of pansexuality helped my wife to realize that she too was pansexual and that it was the proper label for her own gender expression. I began to look inward and at my past relationships and what attracted me to the people I dated. The more I read about pansexuality, the more people I met who identified as pansexual, the more I realized it was exactly who I was. Coming out as non-binary/gender fluid also helped me put words and labels on myself to help me express myself when others questions. In the past I refused labels for myself, but now I realize for myself, that the pansexual label is actually quite liberating. It also allows me to help correct misconceptions when I’m open about my pansexuality and someone says something incorrect.

Something else that had helped me find freedom in my sexuality is actually having proper representation for once. I grew up not having the queer role models I so desperately needed, we were given mere scraps. When there were queer characters, they were often played by cis straight people. Now though, as an adult I’m watching more and more folks find themselves and I find myself drawn to other queer souls. From Natasha Negovanlis of Carmilla fame, Janelle Monae and Kehlani to JoJo Siwa, Emily Hampshire and even Dove Cameron, there is more and more pansexual representation everywhere I look and I feel so understood and seen. Dove Cameron originally labeled herself bisexual, but now she switches between queer & pansexual as I do, though she’s said she’s felt she was pansexual her whole life. She also stated, “I’m still figuring it out, and that’s OK and we need to normalize that.” And I completely agree. Years ago, I would have lied and called myself straight, coming out I may have said lesbian even. Now I identify as queer & pansexual and feel safe and seen in these labels. It took me a while to find what worked for me, and many others are still finding what works for their identity too.