One, two, three

I remember when I was a kid, people would say that love was the most beautiful thing in the world. It made me happy. And I loved the very idea of love. But when I grew up. The world decided that love was under attack. If it didn’t fit inside the perfect little box, then it was real. It was a lie. A sin. An abomination. And so I learned how to love in society. And it broke me…

“I want to be able to love you both. Equally.” I frown as I look out the window at the street. I can hear Allison fiddling with her necklace as Julian paces. I close the curtain of our home to look at them. As fair as the world knows, we are three students living together. But to me. These two people are the loves of my life.

“Have you seen the news?” Allison looks at me. “It’s bullshit.” Julian adds. I frown. As much as I agree with Julian, I know we’re in trouble.

“It just means we have to wait a little longer than we thought.” Allison looks at Julian. She’s always been the non confrontational one of us. I find myself shaking my head.

“It’s not fair. We’ve been forced to hide this to keep people comfortable. Now the government is saying that we as a group can’t exist. It’s not like we’re part of some religious group. I’m not with both of you to have multiple wives as some accliamation of faith.” Julian sat down in a huff. Allison moved closer to him. She wanted him to calm down. It hurt my heart to look at the two of them. If we didn’t figure this out soon. It was over.

“So what do we do then?” I cross the room and sit on the floor in front of them. Resting my head against Julian as I pull Allison’s legs towards me. I feel Allison settle herself into us.

“‘Maybe we don’t wait.” She says. I find myself suprised. Wasn’t she just saying she wanted to wait.

“Do you mean it?” I tilt my head to look at her. I find her green eyes staring into me. There’s a flicker of pain hidden beneath them. But she nods. It can’t be easy for her to agree to this. Her parents practically disowned her when she told them she liked girls and guys. Julian takes her hand. He hadn’t had to deal with the same kind of hate we have. He passes as straight.. even when he wears eyeliner half the time. People see what they want. And he’s a theatre kid. So of course he’s flamboyant.

“Maybe it’s time. I mean with them trying to crack down and dismantle queer rights and further define what love looks like. Maybes it time for us to come forward. I mean even in queer communities, polyamory is often looked down on.” I find myself rambling as I think about the risk we could be taking. Well my parents have been okay with me being bi, I know the rest of my family will raise eyebrows. And polyamory… it scares me to think of what could happen. I mean everyone always jumps to the polygamy. As if it’s the same thing. And to make Julian seem like a crazy cult leader… I can’t think of how it would hurt him. Not after he left the church. But maybe Allison is right.

“‘I mean we always talk about being open about it? And trying to spread awareness.” I pick up my phone and start flipping through my social media accounts.

“You think we should post about it?” Julian looks down. I keep flipping around. Allison slinks her way down next to me. “I mean we’d be making it known…” I think she knows what I mean.

“Think about it Jules. If we post about it we can advocate for it at the same time. We can try and explain it. Educate people and make it known that no matter what the leading party says. We exist.” I settle on a video app. It’s the most popular one right now. I look over at Julian whose slipped down to join the two of us on the floor. I can see that he’s thinking. Even though he’s an actor, I feel like I can still read him.

Allison looks at my phone. “ we need a better name than that Ellie.” She wrinkles her nose. I roll my eyes and delete the name I’d written. I can feel Julian trying not to make his laugh known. I type in something else.

“One, two, three?” Allison looks at me. I shrug. “I mean it’s the best thing that explains it. Then we can also show people we are, our own people.” It seems like logic to my brain. Allison takes my phone.

“I like it.” She taps a few more buttons before hovering her finger over the middle button. “Are you in?” She looks at us. I smile .

“I’m in” I say. Julian takes my hand and squeeze it.

“Me too.” He smiles. I turn to Allison and give her one of my joking smiles. She holds back a giggle as she lightly pushes my arm. Julian lets out a laugh.

We all settle into each other as Allison holds up my phone. I smile as she pushes the button.

“Hey babes!” Allison singsongs. Julian winks. She focus the camera over at me. Allowing me to take control of it all.

“So we wanted to come out and talk about the recent changes to queer rights and social stigmas of love.” I find myself relaxing as I start to explain everything. I feel both Julian and Allison squeeze my hands as I keep speaking.

“Now I’m in love with two of the most amazing people in the world. And for most people this isn’t okay. If anything it’s scandalous. It’s abnormal and it’s a huge taboo on society. And being a bisexual in a poly relationship is scary. On both ends.” I can see Allison smile as she adds in a few of her own fears. Julian speaks about his fear of being mistaking for polygamy.

“So that’s us… “ I pause before settling on what I want to say.

“I belief that love is beautiful. I was taught it’s this magical thing. And to have someone else define it for me… it sucks. I can’t show you how it feels. But I can let you see how much I love both Julian and Allison. Equally, deeply and wholly.