Nothing like a good book

I grew up in the late 60s, and by the time I hit 6, it was pretty clear I was gay. There was this girl in kindergarten I would chase around the table, just trying to steal a kiss every day.

When I turned 9, my best friend became the love of my life. We’d play house, and I’d always be the husband while she took on the role of the wife.

I didn’t fully grasp all the feelings bubbling up inside. The urge to kiss her and hold her hand was getting harder to deny.

In 1970, I stumbled upon the word "lesbian" for the first time while watching a *movie on my TV set. It was about two teachers who were accused of being lesbians by a student they'd just met.

I was glued to the screen, but I couldn’t wrap my head around what the big deal was and I felt completely lost. In the end, one of the teachers, who really was a lesbian, took her own life, and it hit me hard, realizing what my choices could potentially cost.

Over the next few years, I was terrified and had no one to confide in about this fear that shook me to my core, so I buried it deep and tried not to think about it anymore.

Fast forward to 1976, I went on a junior high trip and met this girl with deep brown eyes and beautiful pink lips. By the end of summer, I had my first kiss, and I remember it vividly. I was breathless and my head was spinning. It was pure bliss!

After that, I got a bit bolder. I ventured into Montrose, the gay area in Houston. I wanted to explore, but being too young for bars, I found this cozy little shop called Wild n Stein books. I started reading, and before I knew it, I was hooked.

I picked up Rita Mae Brown's "Ruby Fruit Jungle," but I had no safe place to keep it. The kind store owner, a sweet gay man, let me store it there, so I could read it whenever I wanted without a care.

That book was a game-changer. It showed me that I was okay. I devoured more books, one every few days. I learned that loving a woman wasn’t a sin or a death sentence. There was no reason to feel ashamed or to pay any kind of penance.

Now I'm 63 years old, and have long known the truth. Something they tried to hide from me from way back in my youth. The truth is, I'm special. Not just because I'm a lesbian, because that's not all I am. I'm a person that believes love conquers hate, and that love is love. But mostly I'm just proud to have spent my life holding her hand.

*The Children's Hour (1961)