Movement

Movement: 1) an act of moving. 2) a change or development.

If I'm honest with myself, I've been feeling like my life has been a bit stagnant for a while now. The Same apartment, the same job I don't hate but also don't love, the same pile of debt weighing me down, the same state of my long distance relationships.

Last year I watched my mom die, my brother become a father, and my cousin get married. Talk about a year of milestones, right?

Experiencing all of that in such a short amount of time really put some things about my life in perspective.

A couple of things to note about me:

1) I just turned 30 on January 21st.

2) I've been in a long-distance relationship with one of my partners for nearly 8 years and our other partner has been with us for close to 2 years.

3) I'm the oldest of my generation in my family.

Now, I know 30 is not the end-all-be-all that some people make it out to be. I am still young and still have a lot of time ahead of me to accomplish whatever I want to, but it's still hard not to feel a little disheartened that I haven't accomplished more by now. I always thought I'd be married and starting a family by now, that I'd be in a career I was more excited about, and that I might have done more with my writing. Some of the reasons I haven't done these things yet are beyond my control - COVID and family things had a way of putting a lot of things on hold - but others have been rooted in fear. I've gotten comfortable in my life, if not happy in it, and it's scary to think of leaving that comfort zone for something entirely new.

But I'm not content in that comfort anymore, and seeing my younger family members hit certain milestones before me has only helped to drive that home.

This year I want to break out of my stagnation. I've written before about wanting to do more with my writing, but my goals go beyond that too.

This year, I want to see the long-distance part of my relationship come to an end. I love Halifax - and the Maritimes in general - but I think it's time for me to spread my wings a little bit more. We're waiting to find out if my partners get into the graduate programs they've applied to, but once that is settled I am hoping to move to the same city as them sometime next summer.

Until then, I am trying to prepare myself. I have a lot of craft supplies to use up, books to read, and belongings to sort through as I attempt to downsize how much I'll have to take with me. I'm dreaming of what jobs I might apply for and what our living situation might be like. I'm also starting to look to the years beyond that, to dreams of a wedding, kids, and going back to school myself for a museum studies degree (not necessarily in that order).

After a few years of stagnation and upheaval where the life I wanted felt like it was constantly being pulled out of my reach, I finally feel like I am moving again. I feel like I am going to chase down those goals, grab hold, and not let them go again - no matter what it takes.

My 30s are going to be a new era and, while that is scary, it is also exciting.