I finally told my mum

On the last day of school before summer, my friend told me he was transgender man.

On the first day of school after summer, another friend told me she was transgender woman.

And I was so happy for them!

It was obvious in their mannerism, their newfound smiles, how much it meant for each of them to be able and free to say the words: ‘I’m transgender’. And it was immediately clear that they had our support, no matter their individual situations at home. Both were wholesome moments, both I’ll always remember.

I remember how easily everyone adapted to this change. No awkward questions were asked. No discriminatory comments. No judgement.

In fact, they have both confided in me the joy they felt during those first few days. Weeks, months, years of stress and self-hatred seemed to be unjust, but once they had come out, they wished they had the confidence to do it earlier.

I will always look to both of them for inspiration; their courage, determination and resilience are second to none.

I had watched as my friend went from hating himself and his body, commenting quite openly about his hatred for the way he looked, his weight, his build… but to see him now, years later with success under his belt and hope in his eyes is something so special to me. I watched him grow into someone so confident and sure of himself, from someone who never was. I have the great pleasure of saying I was there during his journey, accepting and hopeful when he never could be. And it means the world to see him thrive now.

I wanted to share this success with people, celebrate him and his achievements as they should be celebrated… I just didn’t know how.

Of course, we celebrated together. My friends would gather round in the library to hear their stories – how people reacted when they came out. We laughed, we admired, and we supported them if someone reacted negatively. We were together, and they both knew they had the support.

But I never knew if I was able to say this in my house.

I always knew my father would be less than accepting, I always hoped my mother would be more open minded. I wanted to test the waters first, listening to news stories and talking about relevant articles just to see how each of them would react; it didn’t give me the hope I needed. I had conversations with my brother – who again, didn’t seem as accepting as I was. I was disheartened. I just wanted what was best for them.

They were my friends; I would never want to upset them or expose them to any unjust forms of discrimination.

So, I decided to keep quiet.

For months I tried to avoid the topic, not mention them too much, or not talk about any friends at all. I spoke about my work, about the books I was reading, or about what homework I had to do.

I was ashamed of myself. I knew they would never have these options.

But one night, I was sitting in my garden with my mother, watching the fairy lights flash on and off on the garage. It was a beautiful night, warm and peaceful.

And she brought up the topic.

She asked about my friend. I wasn’t expecting it, I wasn’t prepared, and I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t ignore the question, but I knew she was friends with her mum, and I didn’t know the situation at home. In the end, I focused on the flashing lights, and I said the words: ‘She’s a transgender woman, and her name is…’.

To my surprise and amazement, my mother beamed.

‘Good for her’.

It really was that simple.

But I remembered the way my heart raced in my chest, the way my mind calculated every possible outcome, the way my thoughts ran through my head. I didn’t know how she would react, what questions I would be faced with. I was petrified.

But afterwards, I was relived.

I know I’m in an extremely privileged position, having generally accepting parents with an open mind about people and their identities, and I know not every LGBTQAI+ person has that support. But if anyone decides to take some of their time to read this, I want you to know there is hope.

Whether you are able to or want to come out to your parents or not, whether you have found someone who will stay by you and celebrate your truth or not, whether you feel comfortable supported by the people who are supposed to love you or not, there will always be someone out there who will support you, will love you, and will celebrate your truth!

If I have learnt anything as an outsider to this, then it’s some people can and will surprise you, you just need to give them the chance.

Stay safe and stay true!