His Text Spoke Volumes

Anyone who has lived in New York City knows that the subway system is antiquated. Delays are as common as a rat running across your feet. Most shrug it off and move on with their lives.

Normally, I was one of those people. My tendency to be early to events meant that I added about half an hour to any commute I had to make. At least, most of the time, that's what I would do.

Early on, I learned that getting somewhere 5 minutes before an appointment was late. That lesson has stuck with me through the years. What would happen if I were actually late?

Arriving early is part of my charm. And good for my mental health.

And it was part of the reason why Muhammad liked me. or that's what I thought, at least. We hadn't talked long, just a few days, but things were going well.

Things seemed to be progressing towards us making a date. I wasn't sure when he would want to meet but I knew that it would be soon.

As it turned out, it was sooner than I expected.

"Hey, I know this is last minute, but would you like to grab a cup of coffee tomorrow?" He said via text message. I debated my answer, everything appeared to be on the up and up, but I am always a tad skeptical initially.

"Tomorrow morning?" I said. A Saturday morning coffee date would be nice and give me the rest of the day to run errands. I hesitated to hit send but eventually did.

As old-fashioned as it is, accepting a date with nearly no prep time went against my nature. I prefer to know a few days in advance, so I can plan and ensure that there's a plan in place in case something goes off the tracks.

When it comes to meeting people online, it's important to me that there are safety precautions taken. People know where I am going and who I will be with, pictures are sent when possible.

Despite my misgivings, I decided it was a coffee date. What was the worst that could possibly happen? I should learn not to ask those questions.

---

Saturday morning came around and I started to get ready. Something felt off to me, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was. Why did I feel that way? Instead of looking for answers, I finished getting dressed and did my hair.

I checked my phone and there was no message from Muhammad. While I hadn't expected one, part of me wondered if he was going to stand me up. What was the worst that would happen if he did?

It didn't take me long to decide that getting a white chocolate mocha would take away any embarrassment over being stood up. Plus, it was Manhattan, no one would even notice or care.

What happened was far more dramatic.

Once I got to the subway, there was a sign that announced the trains were running on a delay. It was only a few minutes, but I decided that the responsible thing to do was inform Muhammad, just in case I had underestimated my timing.

"Heading out now, there's a train delay, so I might be a few minutes late," I said. My expectation was he would say that it was fine and he would see me when I got there.

But that's not what he said. Instead, he went in the opposite direction, which took me by surprise.

"There's no reason for you to be late," he said. I stared at my phone in shock. My hand began to tremble, partly from anger and partly from fear. Who did this man think he was talking to in such a way?

A red flag was raised for me. Suddenly I was that I sent my location and pictures of my date to my best friend.

In my mind, I could do one of two things; either I could fuel an argument or I could make a joke to defuse the tension. The former was my normal go-to choice, but I thought that perhaps the latter would be more appropriate.

"If only I controlled the train schedule," I said. After taking a deep breath, I thought that I made the right choice. He would laugh, I would laugh and things would be good.

But they wouldn't be good. My gut told me not to meet him. That red flag blazed brightly in my mind.

I shook it off. There was nothing to worry about, I told myself. It was one coffee. If things did go badly, then I could very easily get away from him.

With that in mind, I climbed onto the train when it arrived. I intended to head to meet Muhammad. But I would not make it to the Starbucks where we were supposed to meet.

---

While I was on the train, my phone lost service. At the next stop, I checked to see if Muhammad had answered. He had, and my heart dropped. His message did not meet my expectations. There was no laughing, instead he was rude.

"You better be here on time. There IS NO EXCUSE for being late and I will not accept one," he said.

Every part of my body was on edge. I did not tolerate anyone speaking to me in this manner, especially not someone who I didn't know.

This was a side to him that I hadn't seen before. During our conversations, he was laid back and seemed more amenable to changes. But that's the danger in online dating, people are not always who they appear to be.

When the doors opened, I jumped off the train. I got lost in the crush of the crowd. When I hit the streets, it was disorienting. After I got out of people's way, I pulled my phone out again and typed my response to him.

"I don't know who you think you are, but I will not be talked to that way. I'm blocking you, have a good life," I said.

Without hesitation, I hit send. Then I went through the motions of blocking him on my phone and the original dating app that we met on.

It felt good to remove him from my life. Some people thought that I was being hasty, but I knew otherwise. Muhammad crossed lines that I would not have allowed from even my best friend.

Once I finished removing any trace of him, I got on another train. It would drop me off closer to the area where I needed to be. Another bonus was that it was closer to my favorite bookstore.

A visit to The Strand was always welcome.

When I stepped out of the subway station, I was surprised to see a new Starbucks. I was thrilled. The bookstore and a white chocolate mocha?

Everything was coming up Ed!

---

A few months later, Muhammad used a different dating app to reach out to me again. He started with a joke. Maybe he thought it would break the ice or that I would forget how he had spoken to me.

"I'm still waiting at Starbucks to meet you," he said. The message was met with confusion because I hadn't put together who he was yet. But once again, my gut told me not to engage with this guy.

Most people use multiple dating apps. Something that I was aware of but hadn't fully thought about. It allowed nefarious people to hound or harass those that rejected them.

"Sorry, I think you might be confusing me for someone else," I said. It happened before, mistakes happen. To my surprise, he laughed at my answer.

When he told me who he was, my stomach dropped. I didn't move right to block him, which I should have. Instead, I decided to see if he would apologize.

He didn't.

After a brief exchange, I told him that I was not interested. This angered him and he began saying things that were clearly aimed at upsetting me. But the opposite happened, I knew I made the right choice.

"You think you're better than everyone else. No man will ever want to be with you," he said. My ex used these same words when we broke up, so the impact they had on me was minimal.

"Maybe so. But at least I won't end up with someone who disrespects me," I said. Satisfied with my answer and that he saw it, I blocked him on that app as well.

Because they are hidden behind a screen, some people feel emboldened to act out. They can launch insults at you and not worry about your feelings like a bully on the playground.

Online dating is a double-edged sword. Yes, it helps bring together couples that might not have met otherwise. But the other side of it is that some people use it as a way to demean and belittle others.

I might be the only one who feels grateful for a delayed subway. But one helped me see Muhammad for the person he is, which is not someone that I wanted to spend time with.

And standing up for myself felt right.