Embracing The Good Life

We often hear that success is measured in wealth, fame, or professional achievement. We see images of people building empires, achieving greatness, and climbing the social ladder. These stories dominate the media, creating an illusion of what it means to live a fulfilling life. But what if the true key to happiness and health has been hiding in plain sight all along?

In a world that pushes us to work harder, achieve more, and constantly strive for the next big milestone, it’s easy to overlook what really matters. This is exactly what Robert Waldinger, the director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, discovered in the longest-running study of adult life—a study that has tracked the lives of 724 men for over 75 years. What this research reveals is not just a better way to live but the only way to live well.

The Power of Relationships

For decades, the Harvard Study of Adult Development followed two groups of men: one from Harvard College, the other from Boston’s poorest neighborhoods. They studied these men through every stage of life, tracking their careers, marriages, and health. And what did they find? The answer was not what most of us would expect.

The clearest takeaway from the study was this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. It’s that simple. Despite the cultural pressure to seek fame, fortune, or status, the truth is that strong social connections are the most reliable predictors of a long, fulfilling life. People who have good friends, close family, and a sense of community are not just happier, they are physically healthier and live longer.

On the flip side, the experience of loneliness is toxic. It accelerates health decline, diminishes cognitive function, and ultimately shortens life. Unfortunately, loneliness is all too common. According to the study, more than one in five Americans report feeling lonely at any given time. It’s clear that loneliness, whether in a crowd or even within a marriage, takes a significant toll on our well-being.

Quality Over Quantity

But it’s not just the number of friends or partners we have that matters—it’s the quality of these relationships. In the study, it wasn’t the people who had the most friends or the happiest marriages who fared the best. Instead, it was those who had warm, trusting relationships, where affection and mutual support were present.

Living in high-conflict environments, particularly marriages filled with tension and a lack of affection, can actually be more harmful to our health than being single. On the other hand, people in strong, loving relationships—even if they bicker occasionally—enjoy better health, more happiness, and even sharper memories as they age.

The Protection of Relationships as We Age

As the study’s participants grew older, researchers were able to predict who would be the happiest and healthiest in their 80s based on one key factor: satisfaction with their relationships at age 50. The more satisfied they were in their relationships, the healthier and happier they were in old age. Those who were content with their partners reported that their mood didn’t deteriorate even when they experienced physical pain. In contrast, those in unhappy relationships saw their emotional pain magnified by physical discomfort.

Moreover, good relationships don’t just protect our bodies; they also protect our brains. People in relationships where they feel emotionally supported show slower memory decline and better cognitive function. In contrast, those in relationships lacking trust and emotional security experience cognitive decline at a faster rate.

The True Cost of Wealth and Fame

In a world where we’re constantly bombarded with messages about the importance of wealth, fame, and career success, the findings of this study may come as a shock. The truth is, once basic material needs are met, wealth and fame don’t contribute much to our happiness or health. While these things might provide temporary pleasure or external validation, they do little to protect us in the long run.

Fame, in particular, can erode happiness, as the constant media scrutiny and loss of privacy often lead to stress and mental health struggles. Similarly, the drive to work harder and achieve more, although celebrated in our culture, rarely makes people happy in the end. As Waldinger notes, "Nobody on their deathbed ever wished they had spent more time at the office."

Building the Good Life - Focus on Relationships

So, what can we learn from this study, and how can we apply it to our own lives? If you’re in your 20s, 40s, or 60s, there’s no better time to lean into relationships. Whether it’s replacing screen time with real, face-to-face connections or rekindling a relationship that has grown stale, small changes can have a profound impact.

Take time to nurture the relationships that matter most—whether that’s through long walks with a partner, heart-to-heart conversations with friends, or reaching out to family members you haven’t spoken to in years. The importance of mending family feuds and resolving conflicts can’t be overstated. Holding onto grudges only hurts you in the long run.

It may not be as glamorous or easy as chasing wealth or fame, but it’s the work that truly pays off. In the words of Mark Twain, “There isn’t time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that.”

The Takeaway

The good life, the one we all strive for, is built with good relationships. In the end, it’s not about how much money you make or how many followers you have—it’s about the people who stand by you, who love you, and whom you can rely on. So, let’s make time for what really matters: the people in our lives. After all, that’s the secret to long-lasting happiness and well-being.