Cutting ties with toxic parents

Cutting ties with anyone is never easy, but it can be especially painful when you have to surrender a lifelong relationship with your own parents.

My parents are the kind of parents that always thought they were superior to others. They thought that they were the superior race, the superior religion, and looked down upon anyone who they thought were different. I can remember my father making fun of the LGBTQ community and threw out racial slurs at people while watching tv. I grew up around this kind of hatred and disrespect toward others, but somehow I always knew how wrong it was and had a completely different outlook on life.

Fast forward 24 years and I meet the love of my life. The only problem is that she’s a girl. My parents would never stand for this kind of sinful lifestyle. I knew that this would be a long and difficult road. As soon as I came out, it got really ugly, and I was forced to find another place to live. While searching for a place to live, my parents made my life a living hell and found any way possible to make everything difficult for me, but that’s a story for another time. This story is about how it feels to lose the people who raised you, and the impact it has on your life.

It’s been two years since I’ve spoken or have had any contact with my parents. Some days are easier than others. My advice to anyone who has had to cut ties or have been shunned out of their birth families lives, is to surround yourself with people who DO love and accept you. You may lose some of your family, but you will gain so many other people who genuinely love and except you for who you are. Things will trigger the trauma and bad memories, but all you can do is live through them. Feel all the feels! Don’t ever be afraid to be who you are. You only have one life, so take the risks. Be free and rid of all the toxicity that is holding you back. You have a whole community of people who want to see you thriving and happy. Talking to others who have gone through something similar can also be very healing. I’ve struggled with seeing others have such great relationships with their parents. During the holidays it gets especially hard for me, but I have such a wonderful partner and family who make the pain around the holidays endurable. You’ll get angry and you’ll wish your parents could be different, but that’s not the reality. You have to take things for what they are and accept the things you cannot change. As time is passing I think about all of the wonderful things in my life that my parents are missing. They’ll never see me buy my first house, they won’t be apart of my wedding, my father won’t get to walk me down the isle, they won’t spend the holidays and make any more precious memories with me for the rest of my life. It saddens me and haunts my thoughts at times, but staying positive and appreciating the family I’ve made makes the affliction almost nonexistent. You WILL get through all of the hurt. It’s only the beginning of my journey, but I’ve already have been through so much. If I can help just one person and make their journey a little easier, than my mission would be complete. So here’s to all of the strong and brave beautiful people out there. Don’t let anyone take your shine away. Stay strong. Positive vibes to you all.