Camp Wannabe

Sarah's listless eyes saw the flyer dangling from a single thumbtack on the cork board in her college dorm. Although it was partially curled from the effects of humidity, she could see the bold-lettered word 'amp' which drew her attention. She rolled it out to a flat position and took an unused tack to pin the right side up, making it visible. She could now see the word was 'Camp'. A talent camp. She always wanted to showcase her talents but felt silly about it...

Reading the flyer triggered excitement, launching her into a vivid daydream. She envisioned herself on stage while entertained eyes watched in amazement at her performance. But her bad conscious interrupted the imaginary moment, suggesting she would be the laughingstock, made fun of, ridiculed... not accepted. Something she was beginning to see the dark side of.

***

Before leaving for college, her father planted a stern recommendation in her head, basically telling her she had better come back with a boyfriend, or she'd be forced into counseling. Her mother took an opposite stance. She celebrated her daughter's bravery to come out to them, being supportive of her the entire time. Her father never disliked who she thought she was. He just felt she lacked direction, that physical attractions can be 'fixed'. His assessment was nothing more than a selfish ploy to remedy something that wasn't broke. He knew nothing of the psychology behind attraction. How could he? He wasn't a physician and never had to deal with identity issues.

Women appealed to Sarah and that wasn't going to change. It's not like a light switch, nor was it a curious perversion. It's reality—some people are born to become attracted to the same sex. End of story. But Sarah knew it went much deeper...

Resulting from countless hours of research, she strongly believed attractions had a lot to do with the balance of preexisting traits. Personality traits...

She learned that all traits are classified as either masculine or feminine. This is why you sometimes hear people say: my masculine or feminine side tells me this or that. We all carry a percentage of both.

Sarah also learned that not all traits are revealed. Most are hidden from awareness, dictating actions, reactions and attractions regardless of gender and what's expected.

Personality is unique to each individual. No one can argue that...

Sarah found comfort in her theories and fully accepted who she was. Why couldn't society see it as clearly as she did? She summarized that she was merely a human experiencing different aspects of it. Not someone who deliberately took part in defying the so-called norms.

Yet the struggle within to fully exit a closeted mindset, remained... The lies and hiding continued.

***

Studying the flyer, she saw that the camp was a weekend retreat in the outskirts of Boulder, Colorado. She didn't have much time to prepare since it was scheduled for the upcoming weekend.

Sarah searched her mind for someone she was comfortable with to accompany her. She thought about cousins, close friends back home and even her mother. Part of her was over the moon about attending while the other part was her unwavering sense of insecurity.

“What's that look on your face for, Sarah? Did you meet a guy?” Allison, her roommate said as Sarah sat her backpack on her bed.

“I think I’m going to that talent camp this weekend. Can’t believe I just saw the flyer.”

“Shut up! I’m going with Cameron! He's a guitarist and can sing too. Why do you want to go? Are you performing? You should come with us! We’re leaving Thursday night. It’s about a 2-hour drive.”

Sarah hadn't quite bonded with Allison yet, but the opportunity was right there. She had to take it.

“I would love to go with you two. I can pitch in for gas and help drive if Cameron gets tired. Thank you, Allison. This solves so many things.”

"Sweet! I'll let him know! But what are you going to do? Like... are you going to perform something? You never mentioned you performed."

Sara clammed up, feeling put on-the-spot. Only a few family members and friends knew what she could do. If she was going to pull this off in a few days, she had to get over the shyness imprisoning her when it came to sharing with others.

Without answering the question, Sarah walked back to her bed, got on her knees and pulled out a suitcase from underneath it. She hoisted it atop the bed and opened it. Inside, looked like a large doll...

Pale, with freckles and long, blond hair, it had thin, metal sticks attached to the hands. Allison sprung from her bed to get a closer look.

"What is it? The look on its face is hilarious."

Carefully removing the doll from the case, Sarah responded...

"Her name is Prissy. I think she has something to say?"

Hi Allison, nice to meet you. You sure do look pretty.

"Oh my god! You're a ventriloquist! That's so awesome! Do some more!"

Sarah felt relieved by Allison's reaction, easing her nerves a bit while building the much-needed confidence she would require that weekend.

The three of them spent an hour talking together. Several, uproarious moments of laughter were had, making Allison feel like there really was a third person with them. Prissy's bright and bold personality plastered smiles on everyone she met.

***

Waiting until the last day for her performance slot, Sarah tortured her brain during the first two days of camp to perfect a new routine. Cameron performed the day before and stole the show with his acoustic rendition of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody.

Nervousness took precedence. Sarah practiced over and over inside her tent, laying with Prissy until the sun left for the day. It was time...

***

"Our next performer is Sarah Hawking from Eldorado. Let's give her a warm welcome."

Peeking from behind the black, velvet curtains concealing most of the stage, Sarah shielded her eyes from bright orange and white lights in order to see the audience. A hundred or so people clapped continuously for her. She felt a warm fuzziness join the butterflies; something she had never felt before.

As requested, the only props were a microphone and a stool which the white lights were now focused on. She bit down on her lip, took several deep breaths and walked out onto the stage.

To her relief, the lights drowned out her sight of the audience, convincing herself it would be like always, with just her and Prissy in the safety of her bedroom. As they took a seat, everything became quiet. This was Sarah's moment. She began her routine. Prissy's cartoonish voice boomed into the mic...

Where the hell are we? I thought you said we were going to watch Bridesmaids again.

"It's okay Prissy, these people are nice. We are here to entertain them."

What people? Holy smokes! Thats a lot of people! I wish you would have told me. I would have at least gone to the salon and wore nicer clothes. I look like a broke, Paris Hilton...

Laughter erupted from the crowd.

''You look fine... Doesn't she look fine everyone?"

A unanimous 'yes' filled the air. Sarah nerves had let up even more. She felt this might just go over well.

"See! They agree with me! You look great! In fact, I'm jealous of your beautiful hair."

Ahh ha! I knew it! She's always touching and combing and spraying stuff in it. You know what you need, Sarah?

"What's that, Prissy?"

You need a Barbie doll. That's what I'm getting you for Christmas.

"Uhh... Don't waste your money. I'm a little too old to play with dolls."

Prissy rose right up in Sarah's face. She looked back and forth between her and the audience, as to say, what do you think I am?

I guess so, whatever you say, Sarah! And I never told you but I'm jealous of your nose. It's snooty but cute and perky. It pairs nicely with your apple-shaped head.

"Um... Thank you?"

You're welcome. If I had a nose like that, I would smell everything... Except for the used socks you leave laying around. I don't need a nose for them.

"Prissy! That wasn't nice! I bet you wouldn't like it if I told them what you were caught doing the other day."

What? You mean the day you found me salivating over pictures of Ryan Reynolds on the internet? No, they don't need to know that... Why are you looking at me that way?

"Because you just told them!"

Ahh, geez! Why didn't you stop me? Now they think I'm a perv. Oh well, it's too late now... While we're on the topic of embarrassment. Is today the day?

"Is today the day for what?"

You know, (whispers loudly to Sarah) it rhymes with thespian...

"I don't follow. I know we share a lot between us, and we're sworn to secrecy, so I'm not exactly sure what you're-"

Sarahs' a Lesbian! There! I outed you! You can thank me later.

A shockwave flared up across Sarah's wide-eyed expression, looking all around like she was embarrassed and didn't know how to respond.

Earth to Sarah! You okay? You're turning red. Should I call 911?

"I can't believe you did that! You had no right!"

What's the big deal? Half this audience is probably gay... Amiright? Plus, you're always daydreaming about the day you come out to everyone. I just did you a solid, mister! I mean, Sarah. You know I love you...

"It's just... well, people can be rude and unaccepting. I mean, look at the state of this country we live in... Prissy, I'm over here.

Yeah yeah yeah... I'm listening.

"Look at this country! It's going backwards! It's a tough time to be who I am. Will I even be able to marry the woman of my dreams without having to fight for my rights to do so?"

Sure, you will, Sarah! You will find a way. You always do...Don't you?

"Yes... I guess you're right Prissy... I'll never give up on myself or the ones facing the same struggles. We are strong, resilient, respectable people. I am no different than you. Yeah, we argue a lot but at the end of the day, I know you have my back."

Phew! So, we're okay then? Sorry I outed you. You're not going to lock me up in that suitcase and forget about me, are you?

"Well, I never imagined it would go down like this... And I could never forget about you, Prissy!"

Can I have a hug then?

"Of course, you can. We're best friends forever!"

Can we still watch Bridesmaids later? You know how much I love Kristen Wiig... Wait! Does that make me gay too?

"Shut up and hug me, Prissy."

The lights slowly faded to cheers, whistles and a standing ovation. Sarah wasted little time vanishing behind stage where Allison waited to congratulate her.

"OH MY GOD! That was amazing, girl! How do you do that so easily? Were you really afraid to tell me you're gay?"

"Kind of...Well, yes! I suppose you want a new roommate now?"

"Hell No! I could give two shits about who you date!"

"Thank you, Allison, that means a lot!"

"We need to get you more gigs... Oooo! I know! You should try out for America's Got Talent..."

***