Accurate Representation

I remember sitting in my parents’ living room when I was in my early teen years. I don’t remember the age, but it was around that time in my life. I was watching an MTV show about HIV. In the show, two men kissed and hugged and held hands. That was the first time in my life I pondered my sexuality. It brought me peace, that other people can love openly and without shame. Seeing physical affection between two men on a tv screen made me realize that is what I wanted.

It would turn out that through jokes and comments made by my father, and other people’s views of homosexuality, that this was going to be hard. So hard, in fact, that I stayed in the closet. I married my high school sweetheart the year after we graduated, and we have four amazing kids. That is important to know later in the story.

Some Info From GLAAD

GLADD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation), started working with the entertainment industries in 1986. They continue to research and analyze representation in film and on TV.

They also meet with show runners and executives to find ways of accurate representation. The GLAAD Media Institute provides consulting services to the entertainment industry, including film, television, music, gaming, and theater. They do so much more to keep the dialogue open and work towards accurate representation.

Their website can be found here:

Ok, Back to My Story

After seventeen years of marriage, my ex-wife had an affair, and we divorced. I came out of the closet to my mom and my siblings within the year. I came out to my best friend, and he severed all contact with me. A few months went by, and I had a boyfriend. It started as a one-night stand, and we just formed an amazing connection. We were both ready to start over after traumatic life situations. After a couple of months, we moved in together and started building our life together.

Aside from campy, stereotypical gay men like Jack in “Will and Grace”, there wasn’t much out there that represented me, let alone any LGBTQIA+ people.

I believe that changed with “Brokeback Mountain”. It was a huge success commercially and critically, and it featured the love story of two men in a forbidden romance. One of the characters was married with kids. That resonated with me, seeing a situation similar to mine, represented in a mainstream movie. There were a lot of Indie movies made with LGBTQ characters, and some of them were good-just never made it into the mainstream.

One such movie is “Weekend”. A story about two men who have a one night stand, but develop intense chemistry. I do not want to give away any spoilers, but I had experienced that exact situation with my husband, Mark. We knew after that first date we would be together.

I am an easy going person. I was never really into the cruising scene, or Grindr. Tried them both and realized it wasn’t for me. I wasn’t big on gay bars, and I have only been to two Pride Parades. I never got into shows like “Looking”. I was a blue collar worker living in a rural area, that just wanted to love who I love, raise my kids, and live a simple life. I was considered less than by the gay men I knew because I was married to a woman. Even my gay uncle said I bought the lie and told me I was an assimilator, trying to force gay into a straight lifestyle.

Another movie that represented parts of me is called “Pit Stop”. It is about two blue collar men who find love living in a small town. It was very tenderly told. I related to most of the movie.

While strides are being made for cis gay and bi representation, there is still a ways to go. We live. We have loves. We have friends. We do family game night. We make tacos and hang out with our kids. We do laundry and leave them in the basket for a bit. We grocery shop and eat dinner together at the dining room table. A normal life. We need to see more of that type of representation.

Our Trans and Non-Binary Brothers and Sisters

A group of people not getting accurate representation or much representation at all, are our trans brothers and sisters. They have yet to experience that equality and representation in media.

We live in a time when their rights are being limited and in some cases taken away. There isn’t really a broad acceptance of trans people. They experience violence at a much higher rate that cis gay people. This scares me. My youngest son, Elliott is trans. And I fear for him everyday because he lives it openly. My nephew is trans as well, and it was a long journey for them. I get flashbacks to the movie Boys Don’t Cry. (Which is a good movie, but the trans character is played by a cis woman).

Laverne Cox, a trans woman, busted on to the mainstream with her role in “Orange is the New Black”. Elliott Page was open and honest about his transition. He went on to continue the Umbrella Academy, and they wrote Elliott as trans in the show. Short of that, I am hard pressed to find accurate representations on TV and in movies.

It is the same with non-binary people. It isn’t accepted because it isn’t understood. Representation is lacking. The media need to create more content that represents our trans and non-binary folks, and as I write this, I have found one advocacy group for trans people.

It is named Advocates for Trans Equality. They have many resources for trans people but have yet to advocate for representation in media.

You can find their website here:

In closing, I find that I am a little sad at the end of this. I am sad because yet again in this election, LGBTQIA rights are on the ballot. I am sad because I thought we were further along than we really are in terms of representation. Mostly I am sad that my baby, who I love so much and who has my heart, will be living through difficult situations in a dangerous time for trans people.

Life is hard enough. We need positivity, acceptance, equality, and love, no matter who you are. And we need to see ourselves represented in an accurate way across the entertainment industry,

Thank you for reading my work! This is an important story to tell. I appreciate every read, like and comment. Let's talk about representation!