A Bulldog in a Rainbow Cape

The morning I walked out of the house in that white denim jacket and tight black jeans, I felt like the most flamboyant gay man ever. I was ready to dip on stage and take it right up the ass (figuratively, of course). On the way home though, the aggressively protective masc dyke came out to play and I was ready to punch out a light if needed.

Gender fluidity is a heck of a rollercoaster ride with many stops at “I wish I could just move to a nudist community so I wouldn’t have to figure out a damn outfit every day!”

And before you say that clothes don’t have to be gender specific, I know that. But like most things in life, clothes are performative. And finding the right outfit to convey your performance of how you want to be perceived is valid as fuck. Let me repeat that: finding the right outfit to convey your performance of how you want to be perceived is valid as fuck.

We have way too many people rubbing their opinions in our faces and enough propoganda making us feel small. If the way you dress reinforces how you feel and want to be seen- rock it.

As for me, I sometimes want to be perceived as a teenage boy whose got a vendetta against every authoritative figure out there. Sometimes I want to look fly in a blazer. Most times I want to look like I can skateboard (but we all know I can’t). And sometimes, I even want to look like a feminine woman.

Yeah, that's right. Sometimes I want that damn pretty lace dress.

Though strangely enough, in the odd times when I've worn a dress I felt more like a burly man. While in a nicely shaped blazer or suit, I've felt like a powerful feminine woman. Clothes and gender are wild, their entanglement even more so. Furthermore, how we feel in what we wear could be vastly different from how we're perceived by others.

But the point is, is that finding the right fit can be a challenge, especially when you have to factor in the rest of the judgy world and their nosey cousin. Thankfully, my cousin has been one of the least judgmental ones.

Let's go back to being valid as fuck though, and what's not.

Many parts of the world are in a state of societal inclusive regression. After a period of push for being seen, sovereignty, mindfulness, and something as basic as human rights, many have decided to change course. There are more and more "unwanted" signs being pushed by systems of powers. The world is tumbling toward a cliff edge. And at least in Canada and the US, trans folx have become one of the main scapegoats for every issue under the sun.

"If the men find out we can shapeshift, they're going to tell the church" - Sailor J aka Jakara Smith

Genocide is ravaging populations, planet earth is coughing up bomb and AI smoke, glaciers and health care systems are collapsing, inflation is impoverishing the masses while elevating the careless 1%, Twitter wars are livestreamed alongside blasted bodies, and what are certain governments focusing on? Trans kids playing sports. Trans youth feeling confident and comfortable in their own names. Trans folx living and working and contributing to society like everyone else.

“The scrutiny on our bodies distracts us from what's really going on here: control. The emphasis on our appearance distracts us from the real focus: power.” - Alok Vaid-Menon, Beyond the Gender Binary

Ostracize a small group of people, make enough noise, and you overwhelm the masses. Suddenly, how can we fight back against everything all at once? But what is the core of this fight? Humanity. Compassion for humanity.

You might wonder, what does this have to do with white denim jackets and nudist communities. See, there is power in how you present yourself. And power in someone taking that away from you. In many places, in this moment, it doesn't even matter how you present yourself, you've already been labeled. Someone is looking to break you down to build themselves back up. I mean hey, our governments wouldn't exist without us.

Last month, a lesbian teen was brutally assaulted at a McDonalds after telling off her assaulters that they couldn't call her a f*gg*t. They stomped her. Her younger cousin, forced to watch. Then she was robbed.

It happens that fast.

It happens all the time.

And why?

Book bans aren't any help. Refusing basic services to LGBTQ+ folk doesn't help.

Did it solve the inflation of egg prices? Did it provide more jobs? Did it stop any war? No.

Stop scapegoating and actually address the root of the problem. Cause it doesn't matter who you are, or what you look like, you'll be next one day.

One day, it's short hair. Another, the color of your skin. The tone of your voice. A white denim jacket. Feeling confident. Being from the "wrong" country. Being woman. Not being "woman" enough. Being a man. Not being "man" enough. All this? Definitely not valid as fuck. Not demure.

But you know what is valid as fuck?

My suegra buying me "guy's" pajamas for my birthday because she knows I think they're cool. I'm talking blue video game bottoms, and luchador tops. Not only that, but she found comfy pajamas with a design of a freakin' bulldog wearing a rainbow cape. True ally.

She's made me feel seen in ways I never imagined possible. Made me feel loved in ways I never thought I deserved. She's shown up for me every time despite all the barriers and different upbringing. She is valid as fuck.

Do you know what else is valid as fuck?

My friends' kids calling me Tio, or Uncle. When we face time or are on the phone and their kid asks who they're talking to, without hesitation they say "Tio/Uncle Oneg".

Or how my wife and I have adopted a 22 year old gaybaby lesbian with a shit ton of anxiety who we mentor. Who we also learn from. Who opened up the world of Thai GL shows to us. How lesbian and sapphic relationships are celebrated, no matter what they look like. Femme, masculine, anything and everything in between.

How when I went to my first karate class in 10 years, another student was so nonbinary that I didn't know nor care about their gender, rather I cared about how hard they punched the pad. And they hit hard. And we both felt seen.

Because community is love. And true love, is being seen. It shouldn't matter what you wear or how you look. Real community will show up for you regardless, because they are there for you. All of you.

And that's valid as fuck.