Your Sweat Became My Tears

"There's something sad about cold days. They feel empty and dark. Depressed people get worse when they come..."

— A phrase spoken by a very special woman.

I remember that cold year. Cold days are comforting. Winter has always been my favorite season — it's been part of me for as long as I can remember. It was during that cold year, in my favorite climate, that I lived some of the most special moments by your side.

Now, those cold days have turned into painful memories, because I feel you in them. Your memory becomes more vivid — it's as if I could touch you, smell you. I remember how you wouldn’t stop talking when you were with me, and how the sweat from your scalp would trickle down your forehead after our long walks to your house.

In those days, during that freezing winter, you warmed my heart. I didn’t need to be home to feel warm, because you were with me. I wanted to go wherever you went, like your shadow. I wanted to be like a parasite that finds its host, just to stay by your side forever.

Now cold days feel heavy to me. That drop of sweat running down your forehead has become the tear that falls from my eyes. There’s no one left to warm my heart, to make me feel at home. I feel alone and incomplete, as if my other half isn’t here with me.

What used to be my favorite weather has become emptiness and withdrawal — a painful, tangible memory, an internalized scream...