Your 'Love' in Thirty Lines

It’s 4 AM.

I stole a few cans of cider from the fridge and as I sit at my desk

all I can think about is sending you a text even though I know it's a bad move because–

Number one: I don’t think I love you.

Number two: I never did but you only let me move my lips when we kiss

Three: You opened them gently and filled my lungs with your poetry

Four: when I spoke I oozed words that completed the images in your head

Five: you say you’re falling in love with me, only as you pull me towards the bed

Six: whether I'm right or wrong, sorry this will sting us both but

Seven: You whisper those three words while looking up and down my body

Eight: Never into my eyes so you don’t see I’m really trembling

Nine: So unstable, so insecure and I know you appreciate me

Ten: you appreciate how I look although

Eleven: it doesn’t help a girl recovering from eating disorders to

Twelve: be criticised constantly for what is on her plate

Thirteen: thank you for taking care of me like

Fourteen: I could never do it for myself

Fifteen: You’re good at reminding me how much I need you

Sixteen: did you know that pulling out your penis when I say no is

Seventeen: called disrespect?

Eighteen: "it’s love baby"

Nineteen: so is pulling down my top while I’m sleeping

Twenty: you love me, don’t you? This is love

Twenty one: Love is such a magical, beautiful thing—isn’t it?

Twenty two: this is the first time a boy has put my name and ‘love’ together

Twenty three: and I don’t want to let go of that because you always remind me

Twenty four: I’m so lucky to have someone who could love me, like you

Twenty five: I'll never find another person the same, never be loved the same

Twenty six: thank goodness for that babe

Twenty seven: so thanks for your love, but screw this

Thirty: Fu$k you.