Your hell

sober one day, the next day lost, we all have our vices and with each comes a cost. the cost of a loved one, the cost of a friend, the cost of waisted time creeping closer to the end.

you gain momentum with every step you take, but the journey is rough and sometimes seems impossible to make. you climb and climb just to fall back down, walk a straight line just to make it back around.

you think your mind is right, you think you have control but in a split second it starts to take its toll, weighing you down until you cant possibly carry it anymore, desperate for relief you open that door.

it opens with warmth like a home you once knew, full of safety and comfort, its so easy to step through, your greeted by an old friend you havent seen in awhile, you are filled with joy and cant help but smile.

at first the door stays open and you can see your way out, you start to wonder what all the fuss was about. why is this so harmful and wrong? why did i need to force myself to stay away for so long?

the warmth starts to fade the more comfortable you get, your welcome wears thin and guilt starts to set. that wide open door is now just a sliver of light, until it slams on you like a prison door and you loose all your fight.

your no longer a welcomed guest but a slave to your own vice, locked away in your own dungeon without even thinking twice. every moment that passes fills you with self doubt, constantly convincing yourself there is no way out.

excuses pour in and the exit gets further, you quickly go from being served to being the server, you serve your energy for breakfast, your mental health for brunch, your body is tired yet still gets eaten for lunch.

your starting to rot from the inside out and nobody can hear you no matter how loud you shout. they cant hear you screaming inside your own head, when on the surface your emotionless and dead.

nobody wants to see the truth when the truth is always broken, nobody wants to search for words that always go unspoken. the cry for help is normally always silent, but the battle inside you is raging and violent.

at some point you realize you locked your own cell, the walls shed to reveal you created your own hell. you lay there for awhile wishing you never walked through that door, wishing you didnt have to be there anymore. wishing your own strength could possibly be enough, to pull yourself away from all this stuff.

give me one more chance to make it right, one last chance to see the light. i wont fuck up this time i swear, begging the universe to please be fair, save my life by making me strong, have mercy on me i know ive done wrong. show me what to do im counting on you, unlock my cell and guide me through. im desperate and ready to be shown the way, back to sobriety and back to the day.