You’ll never return, I had to say

You’ll never return, I had to say,
You went far away, as I searched each day.

For centuries, in valleys, I waited for you,
You came for a moment, smiled, then I searched anew.

Through these valleys, with snowflakes that fell,
Sparks rained all around, while I searched as well.

Nights rolled down into the swamp's deep layers,
Days sank into the mire, as I searched in despair.

The paths were clouded, but I waited in vain,
Centuries scorched the earth, while I searched through the pain.

You’ll never return, I had to say,
You went far away, as I searched each day.

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The poem expresses a deep sense of longing, loss, and a relentless search for something or someone who is no longer present. It conveys a feeling of hopelessness, as the speaker searches for the lost person across time and through difficult circumstances, only to find that the person will never return. This theme of searching in vain runs throughout the entire poem, creating a sense of longing that seems eternal.

In the first stanza, the speaker reflects on the inevitability of the separation. "You’ll never return, I had to say, / You went far away, as I searched each day." This opening line captures the essence of the poem: the speaker's realization that the person they are searching for will never come back. The phrase "I had to say" suggests that this is a truth the speaker has come to accept, but it's still a painful admission. The distance between the speaker and the person has grown so vast that even the act of searching has become endless and fruitless. Despite this knowledge, the speaker continues to search each day, implying a stubborn persistence and an unwillingness to give up on finding the lost one.

In the second stanza, the poem introduces the imagery of "centuries" and "valleys," which suggests that the search has been ongoing for a very long time. The speaker waits in these valleys, representing emotional or physical spaces of emptiness and longing. The fleeting presence of the lost person is symbolized by the "moment" they appear, just long enough to "smile," leaving the speaker in a state of confusion and yearning. The smile could symbolize a fleeting memory or an illusion of the person that keeps the speaker hoping, even as they continue to search without any clear direction.

The third stanza deepens the poem's sense of despair and struggle. "Through these valleys, with snowflakes that fell, / Sparks rained all around, while I searched as well." The snowflakes could symbolize coldness, separation, and the harshness of time, which has made the search even more difficult. The "sparks" raining down can be seen as fragments of hope, but they are fleeting and scattered. They might also represent moments of happiness or clarity that come and go, but never last long enough to provide true solace. Despite these brief moments, the speaker continues to search, but the journey only feels increasingly futile.

The fourth stanza adds more weight to the speaker's emotional journey. "Nights rolled down into the swamp's deep layers, / Days sank into the mire, as I searched in despair." Here, the imagery of "nights" and "days" sinking into a "swamp" and "mire" suggests that time has become heavy, entangled, and without progress. The swamp and mire represent obstacles or emotional burdens that make the search harder. The speaker is no longer just searching for a lost person but is also lost within the passage of time itself. The sense of despair becomes more intense as the journey becomes less about finding the person and more about the struggle against time, which has now swallowed both day and night.

In the fifth stanza, the speaker further emphasizes the exhaustion and hopelessness of their search. "The paths were clouded, but I waited in vain, / Centuries scorched the earth, while I searched through the pain." The "clouded paths" suggest confusion, as if the way forward is not clear, and the speaker cannot even see where they are headed. The phrase "I waited in vain" expresses the futility of their actions, as if no matter how long they wait, the person will never return. The imagery of "centuries scorched the earth" intensifies the sense of time passing relentlessly and destructively. It suggests that not only is the search unending, but it also destroys the speaker's emotional and mental state. The pain that the speaker experiences is almost timeless, as if the passage of centuries has made the wait even more unbearable.

The poem ends with a repetition of the opening lines, creating a cyclical structure that mirrors the endless nature of the search. "You’ll never return, I had to say, / You went far away, as I searched each day." This repetition reinforces the idea of a truth that the speaker must come to terms with, yet cannot fully accept. It suggests that while the speaker has recognized the finality of the loss, they cannot stop searching, as the longing continues to persist.

In conclusion, the poem is a meditation on the painful and relentless process of searching for something or someone that is irrevocably lost. It captures the emotional complexity of yearning, the weight of time, and the hopelessness of an endless search. Through rich, evocative imagery and the cyclical structure, the poem communicates the anguish of searching for something that cannot be found, yet the search itself becomes a form of emotional survival. The speaker’s determination to search despite the impossibility of reunion reflects the deep, enduring nature of love and loss, themes that resonate universally.