You'd Never Know

My insecurities are building

Just when I thought I had them under wraps

A trigger occurs and then something snaps

My self-confidence begins to collapse

I’m spiraling - please, I’m begging, not another relapse

Sometimes my self-awareness seems like a curse

Would it be better not to realize my mind is perverse?

Or would that make it worse?

I’m tired of this, I want to be good

So sick of feeling misunderstood

I’m told my problems trace back to childhood

In turmoil, long has my inner child stood

It seems impossible to dig deep enough to get these skeletons out

Can anyone excavate all these deep-seated doubts?

Maybe the heaviness will lift if I scream and shout

But that would expose what I’m all about

If only you knew my thoughts in a day

Your conditional love would fade away

Would anyone but Jesus stay?

I’m relieved that Heaven won’t be this way

Til then I wait