Yellow Mellow

Yellow gifts me with its light

leaving me bright and mellow for all days to come

a hint of yellow will be worn, banana earrings of mine

ever so fine

mustard yellow, a deep lavish lounge chair

ever so velvet and silver-tongued

a shining light in my space

you are joy, you are happiness, you are freedom;

your arms are open wide, ready to comfort me, console me, guide me to breathe as I sit crossed legged on you

my yellow chair I know I am protected,

I love you so

tall willowy yellow water bottle,

hydrate drink

in the magical powers of sunshine

painted yellow walls

in my front entrance hall,

I see you when I leave when I come home,

I love you so

candles always lit

protected by the yellow auburn flame

Yellow mellow

A personal power, a vision to bask

in yellow

I am light

I am a woman, continuing her journey

achieving a higher consciousness

I am light, coasting in darkness

anticipating the shattering

of my foundation

an action, a call of arms

deployed far away from sight, defenseless

darkness no longer holds the reins to my life anymore

I am becoming, trials and tribulations occurred

allowing the molding of my creation

created into perfection flawed perfection

I am human, perfectly human

and real and flawed,

vying

for a place in the world

among all

molded with compassion,

depression, joy, love, pain, sadness wisdom

Oh, so much potential in the space I hold

Often persuaded by the

beliefs of the world

How could I not,

so much hope and curiosity for the world we live in

Deaf Hard of Hearing

hard to know which label I am that defines me

I am not who I used to be I am not the disappointment in my family I am me a force to be reckoned with atypical

Surely my deafness brought me

shame, embarrassment, hate, disappointment,

the wish to be anything but deaf

being bullied, the ridicule of my speech,

misunderstand content

struggled, and felt the odd one out

I am here, years later coming into my womanly nature

Accepting all that makes me, an entity in this world

I grow from a place of

broken, traumatized, confused

as I may be,

as we all may be yet

healing

a work in progress

masculine energies that hold pain

triggers my soul

feminine energy within shall shine through and heal

the wounds deeply integrated in me

the vessel that is our bodies allows to be forever transformed

writings – messages that hold no boundaries

all thought streams flow swiftly as a river through the subconsciousness

welcome the inner child

allow them to come out and speak their mind

welcome acceptance and love into your vessel,

healing traumas and comforting the soul within

I am offering the invitation to you, to me

the forgiveness and the love

to allow beyond

reveal, release ourselves, heal

allow the time, space for yourself to make mistakes

and learn, apply, grow and love

welcome the next chapter where the whole self desires to be stripped and reborn

glimpses of light from afar

sends a beckoning call

as I am here to protect and release

negative thoughts take control

they do more damage than help

I know from experience

negative thoughts drown me, feeding me lies – suffocating the air I breathe I desire the light

I try with all my might

allow it to wash over me

I grasp the light

hurt me all you may, I will not surrender

Exhausted in Present,

A blank vocabulary

Unsure what the self-talk is presently

expand expand thy mind

welcome the momentum

create the sweet dream of waking each morning with a smile a readiness to start the day

welcome the momentum

drive inner guidance

give some tenderness as I am a student

of advocacy,

I go out in the world

my voice prepares to be heard as an individual with a disability

10% cyborg, the ability

to hear but every so often without ease

a cochlear implant that lives on battery

Sound is temporary on the contrary

at the end of the day, I am deaf

a world that is not typical for me, I yell and scream for a place

to belong, I will make myself fit

I will fit in my own way, certainly not like before

the sounds we make is the pure

sound of life’s hunger, debilitating struggles

to be like everyone else but only I need to simply be is me.

Is it really that easy? when Education systems don’t often accommodate, or the world

hence, I fight for human rights

communication holding barriers

my ears may be deaf nevertheless, they can hear

I read people’s lips to understand

maneuver my way

through the world

magnets and utensils fused to my head;

my implant gets lost in my fridge/ magnetism at its best

eyes and ears

struggle to keep up

It all needs to work for me, I need help as well

Masks cover the one tool I rely on to communicate

I speak up only now and then

I cannot win every battle but the ones I want to win

I dare try

I am a student of advocacy

when I find myself in silence

when I leave my cochlear off, an overwhelming sense of calmness washes over me

As I find myself in quiet moments, I reflect on my breath and my whole being

I smile in that serene moment - soundless, a wonder as I contain a whole world of sound and pictures

activated by my imagination

In silence I embrace yellow

the freedom to create a world that makes me feel safe, loved, and accepted

no one being an ableist, being mad at me for not hearing a sentence being said repeat 10 times please I still don’t understand

Don’t make me feel bad for something I didn’t sign up for,

let me walk on this world alongside you

silence that encompasses my every being, no sound flows through my ears my deafness isn’t a thing in my realm of silence

Worlds mesh, entangle in layers, we are all sleepless

there is a tenderness to growing older

each moment I think of myself aging

it is a comfort as you see yourself move through the world

a bit slower, a bit wiser

extraordinary colors come alive

baby blue skies

the flowy willow tree they even whisper

its gonna be alright

they say, don’t you worry,

guided you shall be

She second guesses her place

abandon all knowledge of what you think you know,

see in a new dawning

follow the light

yellow mellow