Would You Wear My Shoes?

Would you take a walk in my shoes?

If such a thing were possible?

Because you’re scrutinizing me -

Without even really seeing me -

And your look is one of disdain, disgust, pity

All wrapped into one.

.

Yet you don’t know me.

We’ve never met before.

You don’t know what I’ve been through,

How hard I’ve fought for the little I have.

How much I have given.

.

How much I have lost,

Or about all of the sleepness nights

Restless.

Sheets all tossed.

.

Body endlessly turning,

Mind and stomach churning,

Tears streaming down my cheeks,

Their tracks are burning.

.

You have no idea who I’ve had to deal with

Nor the hell I have been put through.

You know nothing of their antics,

How every damn day they’d leave me frantic.

.

Could you try to understand?

Are you willing to shift the stance from where you stand?

Your tone elicits such a warning of reprimand

Yet you know nothing of me nor who I am.

Please, take my hand,

Listen closely and try to understand.

.

You’ll never know those closest to me

Or how I lost them all in a seemingly rapid succession.

There was never a natural progression,

All of them were gone in one fell swoop.

.

Those I’m battling, they’re relentless.

Will the day ever come when they stop their spurning?

My grief overwhelms me,

The trauma ignites,

My heart wishes it could take flight.

Drowning inside my head:

Flooding thoughts of who and what I’ve lost.

.

So much has happened,

And I can’t begin to describe

How my world was shattered,

All in the blink of an eye.

We lost our entire tribe.

.

Our family.

Our world wasn’t merely left tattered,

We were thrown to the winds,

Betrayed and left scattered.

.

Words will never fully convey the depth of my pain,

Nor the violence in his tone,

How quick he was to toss that first stone.

.

Oh, their hypocritical campaign —

No remorse.

All they wanted was to gain.

Now it’s 2 a.m., my eyes roam this room.

Exhausted and struggling from the strain,

My body is long past ready to sleep

Yet I’m locked inside my brain.

.

These thoughts and memories play over and over again.

I try to hold it in, afraid someone will accuse, “All you do is complain!”

.

If you only knew how much I have had to contain.

How tremulous I feel at this moment,

Or what it takes to maintain

My composure, my existence.

.

When dealing with their contempt

I have all I can do to refrain.

If you spent that year in my shoes,

Or the several since?

You’d never look at me like that again.

.

I confess all of this to you

Not for your pity nor sympathy either.

I simply long for understanding

And for looks and the whispers to finally cease.

.

You’d never wish to don these shoes again,

But at least you’d know my pain.

You’d understand that we are not the same,

If you’d traveled from whence I came.

.

So, think twice before believing every claim.

The tale spinner may only be wishing to deflect, defame,

Discredit and frame.

Ultimately, smearing my once good name.

. . .

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This poem was originally published on Medium.