Word Police

As of February 15th, 2026,

there is a ban on certain words

that you may have often heard

but these shall now be nixed.

The following is a list of words

you shall not use no matter what

or you will find your paycheck cut

even if that may seem absurd:

Gaslighting, Narcissitic, Love-bombing;

Weaponizing, Capacity, Invalidation,

Toxic, Boundaries, Manipulation,

Triggered, Dynamics, Trauma-bonding.

Prepare to pay $500 per violation,

in any location where there may be ears.

These words have been found to illicit fear

and other emotions of devastation.

Some will be ecstatic to learn that there

REALLY is now a “Word Police”

tax payer dollars causing words to cease!

Others, well, no one will care that you care.

A $50 reward will be paid to anyone

whose overhearing leads to conviction.

Check local news to find your jurisdiction

And prepare to revel in many victories won!

Moving forward, we will pivot to other wording

that may be making our citizens feel cringy,

In an attempt to alleviate potential occasions of “edgy”

Vibes may be mixed on this, but it’s time for real adulting.