WHO AM I

Who am I?

Where am I going?

Ugly black girl looking for clarity, looking for acceptance but do I need to do some repentance?

Going through day to day as if I am entitled, but who told me this?

Who told me that I can be up tight, not right, totally impolite?

Life is a battlefield where I need to fight with my fists, war with my mouth, never allow anyone to defeat me - so I held my shield.

Who am I? Where am I going?

Ugly black girl secure in my fears, excepting the truths of hate, this isn’t something I can seem to shake.

Leaning on the revelations of others not realising this was just a man-made opinion, not a verification of my destination as I can formulate my own situation.

So Who am I? Where am I going?

Ugly black girl you’ve found strength?

I’m on top! On top of what? Demoralising who I was intended to be? Scarring the total essence of me?

Breaking the love that was embedded in the seed.

Fighting and laughing

Cursing and morphing

Sexing and breaking

What can this be?

Being told there are people who loves me for me, but I can’t see?

I need to see, touch, feel that this can be.

Ugly black girl, finally found love. Real love, nothing but the purest love, you know the love that batters and bruises, the love that makes you insecure always feeling unsure.

You know real love that confirms your nightmares are a reality and reality is just conformity.

You know real love that uses without consent knowing that it was hatred sent.

WAKE UP!

Who am I? Where am I going?

Ugly black girl broken within scared and alone but this is never to be shown.

Screaming out for help, but was really only a whisper.

Judged by the man made image, ha didn’t you know that the journey has not yet finished?

Who am I? Where am I going?

Ugly black girl it was only a whisper, only lasted 5 minutes.

NO! It was a lifetime, it was a scream, it was no longer a dream.

I thought you were tough? Clearly not tough enough!

14 years of searching, 5 minutes of defining, is this my silver lining?

Dark skies with twinkling lights. Dark skin with beaming eyes. Hot breath with cold air, but who will care?

Shaking, breaking, imploding all within but on the outside not letting anyone in.

Who am I? Where am I going?

Ugly black girl you can hear me. What can I hear?

You can feel me. What can I feel?

No weapon formed against you shall prosper; this cannot be true as I’ve already been conquered.

I don’t believe you, your just a voice I sometimes listen to, but you aint real, you’re my imagination. You’re created by me to live in me but you cannot change me!

Ugly black girl I have never forsaken you!

Yes you have as I am breaking before you.

(Breathe)

Who am I? Where am I going?

Ugly black girl preparing for my demise.

Accepting the cultivated lies that shaped me.

Lined up one by one, confirming this was my destiny, but is this really for me?

Fear building up, deep within.

NO!

Who is this? Who is there?

Can’t be, as no one truly cares.

But I felt comfort,

I felt calm!

Who am I? Where am I going?

Ugly black girl?

NO!

Beautiful black girl!

Uplifted black girl!

Living black girl!

No longer defined by the actions or thoughts I once had. But defining the future I will have!

Who are you? Where am you going?

Naomi May