Who Am I?

Who am I? Sadira Alexis Leporati, Saidy

What am I?

Idk anymore, my whole life I grew up with a white mom, and a black dad. I was told I

have Indian and African blood. Who knows? Who cares? Do I care? How is it important? I don’t

know.

I grew up between two things my entire life. Between two skin colors, between two classes,

between two ages, between to places, between two minds, between two worlds. Who am I? I

don’t know. I’m black but I’m white. When I walk in a room full of white people, I feel black but

when I walk in a room full of black people, I feel white. Where do I belong? I don’t know.

I am in the middle of life and I don’t know where I’m going but I know that wherever I

go it will not be in the past. I am moving towards my future, but I don’t know where that is or

when it is.

I know that I am privileged but I also know that I have been victim of crimes against my own

skin tone. I know that I am loved but still I’m learning to love myself. My skin, my mind.

A mind full of anxious thoughts and words, and a mine field of memories I can’t

remember. This is the face of someone struggling with mental health. You don’t see it, but I can

feel it. Like water draining in a sink, whirling around my mind escapes from me. No words, no

thoughts just the fear of never being enough, never being good enough, never being better,

getting better.

My fear controls me. I wish it didn’t. But what worries me the most is that I know that

I’m intelligent, I know that I have strength, but do you know? Do you see me? Do you know

me? Can you hear me? Who am I? what am I?

My name is Sadira Alexis Leporati, you can call me Saidy, I am American, I am Black, and

I am White, but I will forever continue the struggle of the in-between. Between minds, between

skins, between life. I am Me.