While I: A Poem of ADHD

My mind scatters off

Excited.

Checking my email, while I

Listen to a conference call, while I

Look up How-to videos on Youtube, while I

Continue all those text conversations, while I

Check flight prices and departure times, while I

Inquire about green energy options, while I

Hunt for a specific photo in my collection, while I

See if my blog theme update caused a problem.

You ask me if I need more coffee.

I say I’ll get some in a minute.

My mind feels motivated.

Determined.

Following up on that voicemail, while I

Start a new blog post, while I

Plan out recipes for my cookbook, while I

Read about camera settings, while I

Look up how to monetize my blog, while I

Order a replacement pair of running shoes, while I

Tell myself we need to save more, while I

Remember I need to work out today, while I

Make an appointment for the dog, while I

Forget all about the coffee.

You ask me if you can help.

Ahh, no, hun, I got it.

My mind is in a rhythm.

Productive.

I respond to Slack messages, while I

Browse Zillow for properties, while I

Look on Amazon for camera parts, while I

Finish the last of my tasks for work, while I

Send my resume to another job opening, while I

Request work quotes from contractors, while I

Bring my laptop to the kitchen to prep dinner, while I

Tell my wife she just needs to follow through, while I

Reconsider my cooking videos again, while I

Decide to mow the lawn.

You said you were going to mow the lawn.

It’s okay, hun, I got it.

My mind is feeling guilty.

Unproductive.

My cookbook still isn't finished, while I

Can't get more blog posts done, while I

Can't get the cooking videos right, while I

Watch our debts increase, while I

Hope I make more money at the next job, while I

Wonder if I'll always work in corporate, while I

Hope my step-daughter is happy, while I

Clean the kitchen again, while I

Listen to a video about replacing flooring, while I

Wish I could go play tennis, while I

Question if I'll need to take care of my dad, while I

Take the dog for a walk, while I

Listen to more videos about productivity.

You ask me if you can do anything for me.

No, hun, it's okay, I'm fine.

I didn't get enough done today.

It's all unfinished.

The uneasiness builds.

I drown in my phone, while I

Respond to texts, while I

Check my email, while I

Watch TikTock, while I

Comment on Facebook, while I

Look at Instagram, while I

Drift asleep.

Wake.

Get going.

I have to keep going.

You ask if you can help.

I got it, hun. I'll do it.

While I,

Do it all.