When You’re Not Looking

Five years.

Five years of no hoping,

no praying.

Five years of not caring

what my relationship status

was saying.

.

Then curiosity brought me back,

wondering if it was finally my time.

To finally meet that person

who would be mine.

.

Ugh.

.

Swipe left,

then again,

then again,

then again.

.

Oh…swipe right.

.

Match.

.

Messaging day one,

day two,

day three,

then nothing.

.

Sigh.

.

Swipe left,

then again,

then again,

then again.

.

They say you’ll find your person

when you’re not looking.

It’ll happen like it was meant to be.

.

But for five years I wasn’t looking

and nothing.

.

So I looked.

Still nothing.

.

They say “don’t force it,”

“trust the timing,”

“you’ll know when it’s right.”

But what if “right”

never shows up?

.

What if some of us

just don’t get that story?

What if all the waiting

is just…waiting?

.

I’ve tried not caring.

I’ve tried trying.

I’ve tried pretending

it doesn’t bother me.

.

But it does.

.

Watching couples pass by,

laughing,

hands brushing like it’s the easiest thing in the world,

while I’m mastering the art

of walking alone

like it’s what I wanted all along.

.

Swipe left,

then again,

then again,

then again.

.

Maybe love’s not running late.

Maybe it just missed my stop.

And maybe that’s okay,

or maybe that’s what I tell myself

so it doesn’t hurt as much.