When Will I Sleep?

i vibe with the invincible inverted space,

protruding reminiscence of childhood dreams,

the dream gap hurts when I realize what I lost,

decades of my frozen nonexploring self,

aiming to please my family, teachers’ expectations,

get good grades and rise to the top of the class.

for what? nobody remembers my real Me,

but the girl who was shy, studying a lot and wearing a tie.

so many nights of barely any sleep,

just so I could finish an essay or a mathematics trick,

and when I got to geography or history,

i was already too tired to make connections

and understand actions and motivations of wars and revolutions,

illusions of space and time,

always running on too little sleep,

never enough rest,

always late for the bus, learning to run and catch it,

and the loop continues with my kids,

i need to unloop the expectations of a few generations,

unlock limitations and beliefs that don’t serve me,

to rise and to grow.

can I sleep now?

i am now an adult and i could, were it not for the patterns so deeply inscribed through my senses.