When the Story Forgets Itself
Thoughts of an unsettled entity
I've been thinking lately that sometimes all I'm good for is bad metaphors and nonsensical whatever you want to call it. Some say art, some say a futile attempt to prove that I am anything more than whatever you want to call me.
Working backwards or counting breaths
I've been lost in circles of my own devising and wondering if there will ever be a light at the end of the long tunnel I find myself trouncing through… maybe there will just be more tunnel and less hope than I initially expected.
I cannot claim to have sanctity of thought as I am working breaths and counting backwards
Then I choose to avoid thinking of that and instead turn my thoughts to the gaping hole inside me. The hole where all of the emotional baggage is stored and I try my best to keep a padlocked key and deadbolt in place to stop even a little of the light escaping…
Wrapped up in plastic,
Wrought by guilt—shame
Packaged up in woe
Self preservation or self destruction.
Working backwards counting breaths
I've been thinking lately that sometimes all I'm good for is bad impulse control and unreliability. Some say a vain attempt to prove that I am not what you call me when tensions are high and sense is in short supply.
Working breaths counting backwards
But the story isn't about absolutes or easy fixes and tied up like a gift with a bow and a little card with a message of well wishing.
Sometimes...
I trail off and forget my train of thought or the point is that
It only stops when you stop because you are the story.
I am…
About the Creator
Paul Stewart
Award-Winning Writer, Poet, Scottish-Italian, Subversive.
The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection out now!
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Getting Serious About Comedy (Part I)
If I were asked to remark on my life and the childhood that paved some road leading me to this point, I would have to say something about all the funny people who surrounded me for the last 26,872 days (and counting). Somewhere along that road, I became a big fan of laughter and the comedy that spawns it – and, I mean not only my own laughter, but the laughter of others, some of which I have actually been responsible for inducing.
By John Oliver Smith3 days ago in Humor
Comments (8)
Self preservation from what FEELS like self destruction…. Becomes the cause of the real self destruction! One of the many great ironies!!! Wean off the short term comforts, Shut that bedroom door, and ball your eyes out. As many times as it takes. For as many years as it takes.And after each release, be gentle with yourself like a child. Wrap in a blanket, with a soothing cup of tea flowers…. And rest. Or a nice walk to somewhere with trees. Breathe. Nice music with uplifting lyrics. Nice stories of people who overcame great hardships and trauma on YouTube. Whatever is healthy and feel good. That’s the process. Stop resisting the process. Freedom and joy await. Ever patiently. 🤍
Sending you hugs, Paul❤️
And the story is worth telling even if hurts all over again. Self-preservation or self-reconstruction. Working neither backwards nor forwards just breathe. Just be. I am.
This is how I've been feeling lately. I'm sorry you are too 🥺 Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️
You’ve captured the feeling of looping thoughts and self-doubt so accurately. This is so relatable.
Once again, Paul proving he’s elite…
You are a writer who thinks no matter what is on your mind and what may be occurring in your life. You do what you need and want to do in this life and just live. Good job.
I think we all have emotional hangovers from all of those villanelles of regret (so glad I'm not a judge)--focusing on regret takes us into these uncertain emotional spaces where doubt breeds like mildew in a beach house. I'm trying to remember that we've all already survived all of the shit in our pasts and embrace the Japanese aesthetic that flaws are the true source of beauty. Better a bad metaphor than a mixed sports metaphor.