When I Turned 20, No One Told Me...

When I turned 20, no one told me how alive you would feel, no one told me how badly I would want to to rest with the dead

No one told how many times you would think of coming to an end, and realizing how much you wanted the pain to leave your head.

No one spoke of those scars I'd have to hide, no one told me how hard forgiveness is, especially when it had to be done to your mind.

I wish you told me how beautiful the night would feel, no one told me how easy it is to fall into a lustful sleep.

I wish you told me “this is how depression feels” then I wouldn’t have picked up that blade that made me bleed.

No one told me how painful a smile could feel,

I wish you taught me how to conceal these things.

I wish you told me of the voices that scream,

My inner child is in so much pain as she writes this piece.

When I turned 20 no one told me how real this life would feel,

No one told me the pain we all feel, you know the kind you feel when you know exactly how hard it is, especially when you watch your parents weep because “this is how life is”.

When I turned 20, I wish I knew how hard it is to heal, I wish you told me how loud my inner child screams.

I wish you told me how hard my trauma would hit,

Why didn't anyone warn me of those nights I would lay awake wondering why my mind wasn't at peace.

When I turned 20, no one told me how alone I would feel, no one told me how many times I would wet my pillow till I sleep.

When I turned 20, no one told me the things id see if I looked in the between,

No one told me how real the spirit is and how lies pierce the skin.

The mental disease, the biggest injury no one sees, the killer of the mind and skin.

In all these, I'm glad you gave me the medicine, and cure, to the darkness within

Not drugs or pills that taste sore, but the love of Jesus.

Not the temporary joy I got from lustful thoughts but the freedom I got from these feelings of the world,

Not the words from those who pretend to love, but words that you have spoken to me, reminding me that I am loved,

I am glad you called me by my name and told me “there's more to this dark cold world, listen to my voice, and your spirit will rejoice”.

I am glad you called me to my purpose and told showed me where I belong,

I'm glad they told me of the love of God, a love that surpasses all.

I'm 20 and I’m glad you told me of his love.