When Being Blameless Backfires

Pen to paper--a match made in heaven. Standing in the center of an answered prayer, two times over. My daughter sits swaddled between my legs, balancing hiccups and keeping a pacifier in steady motion. “Amazing” I think to myself. She and her twin brother are only 5 weeks old.

Yesterday I wrote, and today I am writing again. Two days in a row--I think of that as a win.

Even more so considering the fact that I haven’t written consistently in months. Two years ago, I launched a blog which now has well over 500 subscribers. My words and my audience are just sitting and collecting dust. I feel that both deserve an apology. But rather than say sorry, I’ll give a peek under the hood into my mental bad habit that means my talent no good.

At first it will read like one long excuse. Please forgive my tendency of striving to be blameless.

I hope my audience can understand what being an artist is like. The fleeting flame to create is a hard one to light. Yet, it’s easily extinguished when life hands out the simplest slight.

Why have I been away for so long? It’s because I let distractions get the best of me. I willingly submitted to lower frequencies. I opened the door and greeted them, knowing they would siphon my energy.

That’s my cute way of self-sabotaging. I magnetize and fraternize with entities I know will distort my focus with irreversible harm. Each time I enter this vicious cycle, I convince myself I’m a higher being-- immune to their charms.

Low and behold, I’ve been drifting from creating for months.

Today, I’d like to proclaim that I’m back and I’m better. But, I hesitate to make false claims. I’m not “better” because I was never worse. I never needed improving--I just needed firmer boundaries.

I can get so hellbent on being blameless, I send green flags to enemies of progress. In a distracted state, I slept better knowing it was them that made me digress.

When all is said and done, more is said than done. My excuses of other people diverting me from my craft does nothing for the advancement of my path.

It’s all on me if I want this thing to work out. So, for now-- I’m back to my art. I appreciate my children for elevating the true matters and desires of my heart.

Rather than find outsiders to blame, I now rejoice that I have them to thank. I’m far enough in my evolution to recognize the cycle cues. I want to break the bad habit of non-action and getting cozy with every distraction.

-Ariel

07/21/2025