what makes me, me?

what makes me, me?

i have written many rhymes

about love, people, wild seas

and yet i haven’t comprehended

how to string two words on me

in this uncertain round blue sphere there is so much raw emotion

in the touching of one’s hand,

or the sun hiding beneath the ocean

and in front of these cruel beauties how can i try to tell a story

about a small girl with big eyes

who has yet to see any glory

for life is so much grander

and a notion i’ve yet to grasp

and i try and i try and try

to fit it all in my small hand

but no matter how wide i stretch my fingers or how long i stare at the stars

i still can’t seem to find my meaning

or where truly lays my heart

yet, i find it so peculiar

how i can easily seem so calm

when i have this deep red anger within me that will one day take me by storm and though i try to walk through life leaving smiles where they are needed there is sadness, here, inside me

the world just doesn’t need to see it

i adore running with my feet bare

on the fresh green grass of life

and laughing til i cannot breathe

til my stomach feels like a knife

but that doesn’t mean i’m naive

or that i have it figured out because although they may not see it

i take each step with enormous doubt

i reek of fear of disappointment

of failing to find where i belong but i can see now it doesn’t matter because i’m just some blood and bone

some blood and bone that cries at movies that buys white tulips just for fun

that pours her heart and soul into writing ‘bout how she wants to find “the 1” that craves ambition and dark chocolate that does not rely on what others think that has some really strong opinions but also loves glitter and pink

that speaks of wanting those blue eyes that dig deep into your soul

for her hazel ones make her more common and she fears being like all

now i realize i can talk for hours about something that makes me me but that isn’t really truthful

cause i’m more than just that piece

i am a puzzle of contradictions weak-hearted in the best way welcoming hurt with open arms saying: “Hi. Enjoy your stay.”

but i’m also prone to reason prone to not following “my heart” prone to making my own way instead of waiting for what’s in the cards i am not my favorite color

which is purple by the way

i am all the hues of light

all the rainbows, all the shades because what really makes me me

is not some small deep unknown truth and i am glad i have discovered it

in the beginnings of my youth

for what really makes me me

is what i’ve gone through and what i will it’s the concoction of all that i see,

all that i speak, and all that i feel

- sigi x. (17)