What love is like miles apart

4 A.M. again?? For f*ck’s sake, when am I going to realize I'm never going to sleep unless it's next to her? Idiot. I'll wake up (unfortunately) at 7 or 8 or whenever.... and do my stupid morning ritual of reaching for her and she won't be there.

*You really think that maroon pillow you cuddle with could ever represent her? Grow up, dude.* I can't.

Jeez, I cooked the shit out of these eggs. Hmm, it's 9:00 here so that means it's 6:00 where she is. I wonder what she's dreaming about. She wouldn't tell me anyway. Maybe if I text her and tell her that I hope she slept well. Again.

Man, I really don't want to go to work today. At least there won't be traffic and I get to go to the gym before. Oh look, a plane in the sky. That's a sign from the universe that I should move. Let me look a little closer...American Airlines.. YUCK. That's the airline she took when she moved away. I wonder what she's doing right now. Of course I see a black Toyota like hers after I thought of her. God wants us to be together. Let's see if it's her California license plate. Of course not. Idiot.

These weights feel light today. I’m basically Hercules. She used to love the way my back looked, if only she could see it now. *You haven’t seen her in 3 years…*. C'mon, I did 12 reps, now I gotta do 4 more and then it will add up to 16 for her birthday. Oh, I got a text!! I hope it's from her. Ugh, it’s not… What do you want?

I really don’t want to go to work.

I should move. I should've moved years ago. I’m such a f*cking moron.

But she said it’s not a good time for her. Don’t be selfish.

If two people loved each other, there wouldn't be a bad time. Yes.

One day.

I wonder if I’m ever going to see her again. Wait. Not if. *Reframe your language positively.* When. I wonder when I’m going to see her again.

Why the hell do I still work here? Just quit now and drive to her and see what happens. Dude, she'll most likely love it. I don't know. What if she hates it? What about last time? What about ...? What if? Don't be a p*ssy. Maybe tomorrow.

Finally, a break. My feet hurt…but woah the sunset looks so pretty tonight, but it would be so much better if she was next to me. Everything would. I should send her a voice text and tell her that I hope she's having a good day and that I love her. *Dude, she thinks you're just words. She doesn't believe you.* She doesn’t feel the same. Anymore. Maybe she does. Maybe I should just send her a yellow heart. She likes yellow.

Damn. I made $383 in tips not including wages, that's a solid night. The cash makes this job so hard to leave. *Yeah, but what about your soul?* Ehh, I'll quit soon. I wonder what she's doing. Maybe she'll text me before bed. My friends asked me if I wanted to go out tonight, let me tell them I have something else to do. *You're gonna go home and do the same thing you always do* Loser. I don't want to be like them anyways.

The moon is so big and bright. Hmm it's not nighttime yet where she is, but I wonder if she'll see it tonight and it will make her think of me. Or that night we played cards outside. Probably not.

Let me check my phone again, maybe she texted. OOOH it's 11:11. Let me make a wish that we end up together. *You should wish her a good night* I'll wait, it's her turn to reply, maybe she'll says she misses me! I hope I wake up and see her name on my phone screen. Ughhhhh she’s perfect. She’s going to make me dream about her my entire life….I hope I dream about her tonight so I can tell her about it.

It feels so good to be in bed. I wonder what she's doing. *Don't forget to pray. You sleep better when you pray.* Thank You for another day, forgive me for my sins, take care of my loved ones, take care of those who need You and those who don't know they need You, deliver us from evil, prevent the world from the direction it's heading, give me love, courage, discipline, discernment, purpose, prosperity, fulfillment......take care of her, her family and her friends, keep her safe, let her know I love her, and please find a way for us to be together. In Your name. Amen.

I should just move and see what happens. *Ehh, it's been three years since you've seen her, she's over you. IDIOT.* But she recently said she'll make me dinner sometime. That's gotta mean her heart is still in it. Just be positive.

Man, I'm tired. Tell me that everything will be alright. Think of her. Think of how it felt holding her hand. Think of her with wet hair or in her nightgown. Maybe I'll dream about her tonight. Maybe I'll move tomorr.....