What Grief Sounds Like.

Grief isn't polite. It doesn't call and let you know it'll be dropping by. It doesn't knock when it shows up. But music-music opens the door and allows it in. My grief playlist isn't beautiful. It's not polished or uplifting. It's raw and tears at the wounds. It helps me to the one thing I'm always afraid to do: feel the grief.

I can go through the day and think about who I miss, smile at the thought of them and push down the grief that so badly wants to consume me. I have to go through the day and pretend that my grief isn't overwhelming and some days are easier than others, but it's at night when the world is asleep that I allow myself to feel my grief.

I put my headphones on and click on my playlist allowing the songs to move me in ways that I haven't felt since I first lost them. It gets overwhelming and it hurts sometimes, but the one thing I learned in the time since my loved ones have been gone is: feeling the hurt, the sorrow and the grief is far less painful than pretending that the grief isn't there and having it hit you out of nowhere.

When you allow yourselves to feel you allow yourself to heal.

As humans we owe it to ourselves and our hearts to feel every emotion that we can. It's part of being human, part of being alive. And although grief is the hardest emotion we will ever feel, allowing it to enter us and sit with us for a while will slowly bandage the wounds that we have. Although we won't ever be 100% healed again we will know that having the time for grief will help us push forward in a life without the ones we love-whether human or animal.

In the midst of that grief are the ones we love and miss and allowing grief to hold our hands is sitting with them again. The memories, the moments, the laughter and all the words spoken spin around us when we give grief the chance to be our friend. It's as if grief is allowing us to be with them again in a new way, a reminder that they truly never leave us. Once we get past the hurt of grief, the nausea, the anger and guilt, we find that grief never really wanted to hurt us. It never wanted to take from us because it continues to show us in small ways that we aren't alone, that those we love walk beside us in this life.

It has taken me a while to get to this point and most of it is because of my playlist and the music that takes me back or simply allows me to feel those I love with me. Music is our closest source to magic and when we allow music to truly become apart of us, we can face every emotion that we tried so hard to put aside. The lyrics although are sad, make me smile because I can think back on the moments and memories with those I love and be thankful that I have the memories at all. I can look at pictures and videos and smile because my playlist reminds me that inside all the ache, pain, and heartbreaking words, my loved ones live on.

Like every note, their memory sings along with the wind through the trees.

Like every beat, their footprints continue walking beside mine.

Their memories will never end.

The songs truly never end.

And just like my playlist, I can play my memories over and over again to spend time with those I love.

If I could put my memories in a playlist it would never end so instead I listen to the songs that bring my loved ones back to me.

As the world around me sleeps and my house is quiet, the presence of those I love echo around me in the loudest silence I've ever known.

It has been in the moments that I allow myself to feel the grief that has helped shape me, strengthen me and motivated to keep going.

Although grief goes on longer than my playlist and will never truly end, all I have to do is simply play my songs and my loved ones are with me again.

So create yourself a playlist whether it's songs that make you think of them, songs that are meant to hurt or simply songs they loved, and let yourself sit with grief for a while.

You'll soon learn that grief is not an enemy and never wants to take away the love. It simply wants to hold your hand and be your friend reminding you that those we love are never truly gone.