What Am I Doing? Episode 1

On the surface level, am doing nothing,

Honestly, if am being objective,

No job, being a college drop-out, no major milestone,

Basically, not living to the standards of society.

On a deeper level, I wonder, why ask myself this question?

Beneath the surface, I admit, I feel uncomfortable about it,

But at the same time, I also feel a sense of relief,

Being aware of my situation in the present moment.

At this point, I'm experiencing an internal conflict,

Of two opposing truths coexisting together,

The confrontation of reality and perception,

After all, it's clear that am uncertain to where I stand.

I am now starting to become curious, where is this heading at?

The discomfort experience of the question is about stagnation,

While the relief is the perceived awareness of being uncomfortable,

Throughout this duality, there's clear momentum taking place.

Knowing well that there's movement going on,

Yet the direction remains uncertain, due to lack of destination,

In this case, meaning that it's lack of defined answer to the question,

Considering that I came from a firm statement " I am doing nothing "

It feels like there's a part of me that have reached the destination,

The direction being more about awareness of the starting point,

The other part of me that's realizing the duality, time and again,

One thing for sure, this is not the end.