Watering the Plants

Happiness and eternal marriage

Those are two things that should coexist

But they don’t for me

No matter how much I desire both

My bleeding heart was enveloped in him

I love him

But everything changed when I realized I deserved more

I became stronger

Happiness is all that I’m searching for

I didn’t believe I could have that with him

The one that criticized me for things he said he once loved

I felt I was no longer happy being who I was

I hope there isn’t a child in my belly

I can’t bear to bring life into this world

Not now

Not like this

Abuse. It comes in many forms

I never knew the kind of loneliness that occurs

When the one you love is in the same room

But they don’t value your company

Loneliness, sadness, the joy of life gone

It would be better if I was truly alone

At least then I would appreciate being in my own company

I might be happy then

I cannot wrap my mind around how a marriage can last

A lifetime seems too great a feat

With two stark opposites

It’s not possible

These vegetable sprouts give me hope

I have watered and taken care of them

As if staying married to him was certain

As if divorce didn’t linger in the air each morning

I may not be around to reap the rewards of my garden

I might be long gone

The plants, brown and withered in the sun

Yet, here I stay watering them. A sign of hope.

It was supposed to last forever

I was supposed to be happy

An ounce of effort from him was all I wanted

But now I don’t know

I’ve given countless chances

Sharp words, angry tears, broken hearts

Our marriage felt like it has died many times in the past

When the sun rises after forgiveness, there is hope for the future once again

I don’t know if watering plants is the answer

But I do know that it is the only thing I hold on to every day

Hope

Hope keeps me going, keeps me striving

As the end of summer nears

There may come a time

When I will reap the rewards

Not just from my garden

But from the person I promised forever to