Want or Need

I do not need you/ At least that's what I will say/ That's what I will tell myself/ I want you/ I really really want you.

The last time, the only time/ I told someone I needed them/ They threw it in my face/ They left me on the ground, chasing their shadow/ Left me behind wondering what I did wrong.

I told myself I would never need anyone ever again/ It would be easier, safer that way/ It wouldn't be 'need'/ I wouldn't be that vulnerable again/ I couldn't be that vulnerable again.

So instead I will say that I want you/ With every fiber of my being/ Still scared of what you could do to me/ The hold you have on me/ Nothing else scares me more.

Though I know I'll never betray myself like I did before/ By this point the odds are clearly stacked against me/ Still feeling never good enough/ Like I'm back in that basement wondering what I did to end up here.

But you say such sweet things and all I can think is 'I do not deserve it'/ Too scared to give myself fully to you/ Too scared that once you have all of me you will leave me stranded on the ground gasping for air.

So I will settle for want over need.