vows of allegiance

these words are not mine

they can be heard but don't think i've claimed them

don't believe they're blooming or meaningful

they're not.

they've been given to me

regurgitated from the last person who swallowed

simply put,

they were too much to handle

too easy to choke on

so out they came onto me

they could be meaningful, somewhere

they once were.

but not to me

is that my fault?

that i don't see it like that

that i don't...feel in that way.

that they're important.

how can it be judged,

how can i be judged?

if i am treading glass just to stay alive

just to meet what you see is right

it can be,

it could be,

just not here,

not for me,

not now.

i shouldn't have to.

i know that.

it is true,

it is real,

and i hate that it is ignored regardless.

how can this be free

when you expect what i do not know

what i cannot explain

and it is simply too hard

too many boxes to fill

too many eyes

they won't stop

and still the eggshells splinter

because why would i be good enough

why would anything be good enough

unless it is judged by the unknowns

hidden above and watching

hearing us but only observing

i cannot see it

you might

i don't

and i am,

just quietly,

not trying to.

no kind of ruckus

no need to be hated or loud or angry

there is nothing against us

we're the same

we feel the same

i just don't read it

i just don't shout it

there is nothing wrong

nothing at all

wrong with any, either, both, neither

we think slightly differently

but why let us think for ourselves

when we can be guided

pushed,

dragged, even

until we continue on the path laid there

we should find our meaning

ask our own questions

and think for what we want to believe

whatever it is

whoever we are

no matter what

it comes down to the

choice

choice

choice

that is what i need

and yet they cage it there to taunt me

tempting until there is only an illusion

whispers saying that my voice is heard here

but really, truly,

when will i be safe enough to say it out loud?

i am someone else,

and i did not approve of these requirements.

and i won't.

~