violation

When a surgeon approaches you

And you are fourteen

With no power

And no voice

How do you say no?

Is there a precedent for this,

The adamant refusal to have the flesh sliced open

So that your strained tendons and bones

Might finally feel relief?

I said no

A thousand times

A thousand ways

And no one cared to heed my tears as I sat in a waiting room

This life-changing operation delayed for so many hours

I wondered why I couldn’t just go home.

I said no

But when you are a minor

And your body has thrust you into the world of medicine

To the doctors

Who think they know what’s best for you

All words start to sound like yes.

I said no

And someone with power over me said yes, yes, we are doing this

You must participate in this grotesque theatricality

The casts

The bed pans

The burning nerve pain

Let us build for you

The facade of an able body.

All this is to say

I understand

How trauma sticks in the throat like molasses

How hard it is to shed

That second skin.