Version of YOU that wasn’t real

How do I tell him

I miss the days

when he wasn’t his true self?

When excitement rushed in

before I met him,

when nerves tangled in my chest,

when happiness bloomed

because he played my playlist,

and when he opened the doors

to the rap world for me.

When he spilled the tea,

when he actually talked,

when his presence felt alive.

Now I sit alone,

Kendrick Lamar in my ears,

thinking of the past

we once lived together.

And I wonder—

am I in love

with the version that wasn’t real,

or do I despise it

because it’s gone?